OK...so I've tried quitting so many times in the last 5 years, that I have lost track of exactly how many times I've tried. I tried it all...hypnosis, Chantix, the patch, the gum, the laser thing and now cold turkey. My last full cigarette was Monday afternoon, so 3 days ago??? So I've been smoke-free for 3 days. I should feel excited, right? Empowered, right?? Then why do I feel so sad, so icky? This morning it was so bad that I was looking for that last lone cigarette hidden "somewhere". Of course I didn't find it, because I actually threw them all away this time. I was actually getting ready to go through the garbage for a bud...how sick is that? That I was actually going to re-light a cigarette that had already been "used"...that was when I knew that this had to stop. So I calmly put the lid back on the garbage can, went inside, washed my hands and got ready for work.
The day has been a rollercoaster to say the least. The WANT is so strong that I am rationalizing that between all the toxins in the air, something is BOUND to kill me, why not enjoy it??? And then I talk myself out of it, that I don't WANT one, I don't NEED one. This too shall pass....and it does. I drink some water, chew some gum, go for a walk...But then it comes back. Again and Again and Again.
But right now I am doing OK. Although the real test will be tonight when I get home. My husband just texted me that he broke down and bought a pack. We quit at the same time. Although he is using the gum. And I went cold turkey...and part of me is mad....but I can't be mad at him for buying a pack...he lasted as long as he could.
sigh...I can do this. It's not up to him to help me quit. I want to quit for me. Right??? And for my daughter. My beautiful 9 year old daughter. I am quitting for her too.
That is what I have to keep telling myself...right???
