Wow, Smoking Crossed My Mind!

[JACKIE1-25-15]

For the last 48 hours, the act of smoking has crossed my mind at least two or three times.  Even though it is a smidgeon of thought, do I shrug it off and say oh well?  Don't know where that came from and keep it moving?  Yes, I do BUT I also know that it is time for me to go into protect quit mode, real quick.  I guess a smidgeon is huge for me because I rarely think about a stinking cigarette or even desire for one.  Breathe.  Don't know where the thought came from.  Right out of the blue.  Wow, I heard it could happen and it has. lol.  Not stressed about anything.  hmmm?  Maybe a few anxious moments Sunday, our church is going through a major change but nothing extraordinary. Change of seasons?  hmm?.  Been through 3 plus season changes.  Hmm? Not absolutely sure.  But I am sure of one thing, Just because the thought of smoking crosses my mind does not mean I have to act on it.  It has been more than 4 years since my quit date.  I know how to suck it up and keep it going and not be fooled by my addiction.  NOPE and  I am in protect quit mode right now. Period. That is why I am here talking about it. What do my EX friends have to say? 

No, I am not going to smoke.  No, I am not going to the store to buy any. NOPE no matter what!   I am just doing what I have always done.  Come to EX first.  I will never quit on my quit. I will never ever forget NEF where I started and what it has taken me to get where I am.   All my energy, all my inner strength, all my prayers, loss of sleep, all the pain of thinking about a cigarette.  Wondering when it would end and what it took to be free. No! I will never give it up or give in no matter what, by any means necessary.  Therefore I am not blowing it off and think that I am above the law.  NOPE.  Yes, I have kicked the demon to the curb and run right over it several times.  I am not looking back but will continue to stomp on its head if I have to. 

Mantra time!  No matter what, who, when, where, how.  I will not put one in my hand.  Not on my lips, not on my tongue, not in my lungs,  Not in my clothes, not up to my nose. Not in my throat, I will not choke. Breathe.  NOPE no matter what has kept me free and will keep me free.  Suprised I have to deal with this today. However, by any means necessary, I will not smoke.  I am being reminded that no matter where I am with my quit I am not above the law of addiction. I could relapse if I did not use my tools.  Wow smh.

[Beck37]

It sucks that even with as long as you’ve been quit that you are still experiencing this.... once an addict always an addict and therefore we will never be able to let our guard down.

[JACKIE1-25-15]

Yes, you are correct but it gets easier and less painful with the commitment and determination NOPE  The mental part is that the thought can come and that is what really surprises me. I can see how someone could be fooled. I have been here long enough to know that no matter where I am in my quit I still have to keep my tool kit handy and USE it and not be fooled by my addiction.  NOPE will keep me free.  Not ashamed that I have to come here.  Better safe than sorry. 

[Beck37]

It’s important that people like you with your length of quit let us newbies know what to expect. We can never become complacent. In my 92 days on this site I have seen a few long timers fail. It is definitely a wake up call to us all and it does SUCK!

Beck

[kristen-9-7-15]

I get them too but you're right, it is just a thought.

[TW517]

I had a similar experience a couple days ago almost 2 years into my quit.  Kinda surprised myself that I gave it as much thought as I did.  Went into protect mode and found my old stash of coffee stir straws to chew on.  I agree with you JACKIE1-25-15 .  There is no shame in it.  And for the newbies who may find this frightening, let me assure you that these occasional episodes are nothing at all close to the urges we all get in our early quits, or even in No Man's Land.  I don't like that it happens, but I can rationally talk myself out of it and go find a distraction, without the addiction fooling me into thinking just one cigarette couldn't hurt.

[Barbscloud]

 Thanks for sharing JACKIE1-25-15 and kristen-9.7.15  You see newbies on the site with a few days asking when does this end.  Unfortunately, it never ends.  I realize the thought is no where close to being what it was when you quit years ago, but it's important to remind everyone (including myself) , no matter where they are in this journey we always have to be vigilant.   I have to agree with Beck though - it does suck.

Barb

[Tabbiekat]

One must always be prepared to kick it into "protect my quit mode" took me a long time to figure that out, but I have

Back in 2014 my husband I went to visit my parents. We both smoked back then, I ended up using our truck to take her to the store. She mentioned my smoking and asked when I was going to quit. She also mentioned even at that moment she could easily see herself lighting up. She had over 35 years smoke free at that point. A memory that just popped up because of this blog. I finally get it now thank you for sharing

Tabbie

35 DOF

[Christine13]

Wow, is right Jackie, I'm glad you went to your quit tools and came here to talk about it.  I will remember this post in future for myself.

[mrios5776]

It is sad that it never goes away. When it crosses my mind I just take a deep deep breath and that feels so GOOD! Thank you for sharing.

[JACKIE1-25-15]

NOPE will keep me free.  NOPE NOPE NOPE, no matter what Breathe Breathe Breathe.  It is going to be okay Whew.  Got to get MOVING.  Of course, I have.  Looking at addiction is the face.  It is so real.  An old quit buddy of mine use to say, we are one puff away from relapse. Hang tough, never give up never give it.  Never quit on your quit.  It is #1, more important than anything.  Self Talk.  I can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens me.  Phil 4:13  Breathe. 

[JACKIE1-25-15]

Yes but the thoughts get to be so far and in between.  I guess it has been over two- three years since this has happened to me.  Came from left field.  But I know I am going to be okay.  I remember on my 960 something things were going array and had to come and blog about an urge.  Go figure.  NOPE will keep me free NOPE no matter what. 

[maryfreecig]

Way to go, Jackie. Sometimes smobriety requires a check-in, check-up and free samples of good thinking!!!

[KMC56]

Yep same for me...last night, almost walked myself to a gas station.   

Wouldn't solve anything, and proud to say it's great to know and be strong...and yes..i rreached out to a member...thank you!!

~Kathy

[indingrl]

Thanks for sharing MY sister Jackie in Christ- Just because birds are flying above your head doesn't mean YOU let them build a nest in your hair- that was said to ME YEARS ago when I was learning it is written I have the mind of Christ- HOORAY FOR JESUS! CONGRATS ON STAYING A NON SMOKER NO MATTER WHAT!  yahooooo - WAY TO GO JACKIE staying vigilant on YOUR OWN thought life in Christ Jesus OUR Lord- amen.

[Daniela2016]

Good for you Jackie, you know how to do it, no matter what. And you teach all of us, THANK YOU!

I think once we make up our minds, we understand and most of all ACCEPT our addiction, we'll know what to do when these thoughts are visiting us.  Smoking was so much part of every little aspect of our life, that they are meant to come back at times.  But we know we can NEVER, EVER have another one.

So, for the newbies, this is no reason to fear the future, these thoughts will no longer have power over your conscious mind, once you decided to be an EX.  Part of being an EX is knowing how to use our tools, what works for us when the addiction rears its ugly head, we learn here how to crush it back down in our past...

[JACKIE1-25-15]

Another day WON!

[sweetplt]

((((Jackie))) oh my ... just shows how we must be vigilant the rest of our lives...I do hope this feeling goes away fast for you ... Thank you for sharing ~ Colleen 113 DOF

[MarilynH]

Thank you Jackie, I love your mantra S.I.N.A.O - Smoking Is Not An Option which is 100 % truth......

[JACKIE1-25-15]

Not a feeling, it was a "thought".  I have no feelings for cigarettes. No desire to have one.  Just the thought of smoking. 

I am bigger than a cigarette, stronger than a bunch of dried up leaves dipped in poison and wrapped in paper.  I am FREE.  Not in my hand, not on my lips, not in my lungs, not on my tongue. Not in my throat. I will not choke.  They are no longer a part of my life.  The thought can come but I will not act on the thought .  Cigarettes kill, I am free, no longer bound no chains holding.  My soul. is free. https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/JACKIE1-25-15-blog/2018/09/23/this-is-how-i-feel-right-now

[elvan]

EXCELLENT, Jackie, you are so right that we have to go into protect quit mode when those thoughts come into our minds.  This journey doesn't end until WE end OR we smoke.  That's the way I look at it...and it keeps my quit safe.  Staying here and reading blogs like this one and others keeps my quit warm and safe.

Ellen

[Ladybug--7-3-12]

Just seeing this.  I know you have got this handled but thought I'd add a personal comment.

This is NOT unusual.  You are NOT abnormal (lol).  I'm coming up on almost 7 years and it has happened to me too.  Going back to the basics is the right way to deal with it.  Trying to figure out the trigger/s is also helpful.  Bottom line, smoking is not ever an option so it is what it is.  Play detective, do what you need to do, and then just move on from it.

We are wonderful, evolving, breathing human beings.  Our past is still very much a part of who we are in ALL aspects.  It got us to this point in life.  Think of how long we smoked through life's events.  Think of how long it was our normal.  Think of how many times our memories (even back to childhood, good and bad) keep popping up from time to time.  I know they do for me.  Sometimes it means unfinished business we need to deal with in our minds but sometimes it may just mean its a part of our DNA, our past.   Smoking is included as a part of our past too. 

One of my personal "memory recall" switches is on now with the spring weather changes I'm currently experiencing here.  People are starting to come outside more.  Lawn mowing is beginning. The outdoor smells.   More activities/people enjoying the warmer weather & sun.   Etc.  Personally, I'd rather have my memories, bad as well as the good, than none at all.  I look at it as just a reminder that we used to smoke.  Period.  You got this! 

[Bonnie]

thank you!

[Giulia]

Haven't read anything above me, so I may just be re-iterating but gut thoughts...

"I also know that it is time for me to go into protect quit mode, real quick."  Yeah.  DO. And stay there until you're back to 'normal' quit mode.

You see, YOU are an EXample of what an Elder does.  YOU are an example of what ANY quitter here should do when they're in quit stress mode.  Come here and TYPE IT OUT, think it out and choose the harder option -  which is at this moment to remain smoke-free.  No MATTER WHAT!.  

In my 13 year quit experience - where that overwhelming urge, that craving came from - haven't a clue sometimes.  Doesn't really matter to me where it came from.  Because NOPE is my anchor.  (As it is yours.)  I just accept that that's a given for me in my journey.  That out-of-the-blue, upside my head slap that sends my senses back into "I WANT A CIGARETTE!"  craving.

It's  addict "thinking."  It's normal.  It's not something that needs to be acted upon.  And it needs to be dispelled as soon as possible.  If we dwell in the well of smoking thoughts, they WILL swamp us and we will return to drowning in our addiction.

You have set a great example in this blog of how to get out of the well of those swampy cigarette thoughts.  Yes, it's a BIG SURPRISE when it happens after a year or two or 10.  That's why there are quitters on here who relapsed after a year or two or 10.  Because they stopped paying attention or stopped being connected or simply forgot what another Day One feels like.

I've always said "if you still want one, you're still vulnerable."  For me that means - when I pass a smoker and I find that scent attractive, which I do, I know I'm just a puff away from another 10 years of smoking and another hideous Day One.

Welcome to the reality of this addiction, Jackie.  (Not that you weren't already familiar with it.)  But now that you've gone through this particular experience, you'll be shaking your head in an up-and-down  way, rather than left to right.  

Sympathies to you.  Been there, know what a surprise it is.  And I know that you will have no trouble maintaining your quit.  When we understand the law of addiction - hell - when we understand ourselves and the excuses we make - there is no excuse that can take us back to another Day One.  

Thanks for sharing and speaking the truth of this addiction.

[JACKIE1-25-15]

Thank you.

[Mike.n.Atlanta]

That little demon will still raise his head on occasion but we know what to do right. Even though it's been years we know it's only that ol junkie thinkin. If we're committed to our quits we're gonna toss it aside & say "Where did that come from, we don't do that anymore."

[cpsono]

You know exactly what to do and you are doing it...my hero. Best wishes Jackie!!!

[djmurray]

Jackie, my friend, you have given me a wonderful new statement -- I am not above the law of addiction.  That is SO true.  As Giulia said, you're a wonderful example of an elder who knows how this works!!  Can't wait to see you in May.

[JACKIE1-25-15]

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