61 days of freedom and two months quit. Certainly the longest I’ve ever gone without a cheat here and there …
The last couple of weeks have brought very challenging and evil fantasies of “just one.” Like there’s still a part of me (hello, addict) who is convinced I can do it “right” this time and just have a smoke now and then.
But I keep asking myself: what happens after that “just one”? Do I just stop thinking about it? Or does it become all I think about? I know the answer to that. This is my labor at this point in my quit: slowing down enough to think clearly about short term vs. long term goals. Think, don’t act. I got a devil on my shoulder and it’s one day at a time. One NOPE at a time. But sometimes I feel so close to giving in.
I want these feelings to go away, now! But, as we’ve been wisely reminded by the elders, we built our addictions over years, and we don’t quit them over night. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. That’s all I can think to do. And I want to remind myself to not get down about this struggle, but to feel proud for every day I protect my precious quit.
I will be happy to get out of No Man’s Land. Triple digits seem a long way off, but that’s the next star I’m steering for.
Thanks to all of you for being there for me! I can’t believe it’s been two months since I last inhaled a burning stick of carcinogens. Wow. So cool.
Cheers, Terry
