Still smoking; deeply discouraged and depressed

[Riverdance]

 It has been like pulling teeth to get myself to write this.  You all know me as River, and my last quit date was August 19th.  It was the first time I went cold turkey.  I woke up very early (4am), read on the site, blogged, made a list of reasons to quit and reasons to smoke, waited a panicky hour and a half and caved.  If I were to meet Alan Carr face to face right now I would punch him in the nose!

Encouragement did pour in from you all and I want to thank you for that, but it was already a done deal and I couldn't bring myself to read any of it, really, until today. I also want to thank everyone who posted on my message board, just checking in or sending inspiration and funnies.  That is what got me to write this.

 I've been so discouraged and depressed that I've only gone to work (part time), otherwise have just stayed home.  It was my 5th quit date in a year and a half. I truly don't know what I'm going to do now.  I am posting another blog to describe what my habit/addiction is like, maybe that will help.  NOT EXCUSES, just facts  

[joyeuxencore]

Listen friend...we have all been there...I quit a zillion times in the 3 years brfore I found EX and I know the kind of sadness, depression and self-loathing that this addiction breeds. My EXperience was that it just wasn't that hard...The first week was brutal...no question about it...I felt like I was jumping out of my own skin and had to breakk into furious jumping jacks so I would get SO winded I could barely catch my breath and thats how I got through the craves.  I also cried and cried and cried and beat pillows screaming...two weeks later I couldn't imagine it had taken me so long to quit...You can do this...you really can...

My 1st mentor here no longer with us used to post this:

This is about making a DECISION to never put another cigarette in your mouth, mean it, and be committed to honor that decision. Also allow NO excuses AND hang in there for as long as it takes, no matter how uncomfortable it is....This is about re-learning your life WITHOUT cigarettes....

[Thomas3.20.2010]

Have you read about brain dis-ease, River? Maybe a different perspective will give you the understanding you are lacking1 I know you're frustrated but just the very fact that you blogged today tells me that you do have the DETERMINATION. Now you simply (not easily) need to change your FOCUS! Think about brain health! It takes a lot to retrain your brain - ost of all time without Nicotine. But meanwhile:

(1) Nutrition

(2) EXercise

(3) Sleep

(4) Mindfulness and Meditation

If you had diabetes you would take care of you! There's a lot of similarity. You need to take care of YOU, River! NO MATTER WHAT!

[heather142]

i used something to stop a crave that i don't think i saw anyone else write--when i really wanted a smoke i would grab one of my kids and love on 'em!!!

we don't smoke in frnt of our kids, and it sure makes us feel good to hold and snoodle them!  the older on, i would play a game with her or we would just talk.  before i knew it i forgot about the cig

iguess this only works if you have kids. . .a pet maybe?

jsut a idea

[Connie55]

If Allan Carr's book is not helping you to understand and beat this addicition, perhaps try Joel Spitzer's "Never Take Another Puff". at http://www.whyquit.com/joel/#book

Just keep reading and blogging. Do not stop. I think your first trap that morning you awoke a 4am and panicked for an hour and a half before caving in is that you just sat there and thought about smoking and panicked. Nothing in your life will change until YOU change. Get up. go for a walk, when your mind drifts in a bad direction, refocus your attention and time on something else. Like Thomas says, this is a brain disease. Control your brain. Addiction to nicotine is just like addiction to alcohol or drugs. The only way to win is to never, ever, ever touch it again.

[cyn9]

Don't get discouraged. The main thing is you haven't given up. My first few weeks i wen't thru anger, crying, frustration and every other imaginable emotion. When I got desperate, I would pull up U-Tube and watch people dyeing of cancer, weak,thin, weezeing and taking that last puff, before they dyed. Their children and family standing close to them crying and asking "Why!"   

This might be kind of morbid, but it always put me back into perspective and gave me determination to stay quit. 

                      Mean while... BIG Hug!  Lets do this!

[Michwoman]

I agree with all that has been said here. I do have one question - are you leaving cigarettes around to smoke or are you discarding them?  If you are serious about quitting you must eliminate smoking as an option. Do not have any around "just in case". You would be assuming you're going to fail.

[Jordan-11-1-12]

Whyquit.com    has many many great videos and articles, like the one Connie gave you above by Joel.     A lot of people have had great success with the free ten step course on  quitsmoking.com  also.

The bottom line is commitment.  Commit to not taking another puff no matter what.  And then honor that promise.   There are ways to make it easer.  Like Michwoman said, make sure to get rid of all cigs, ashtrays and lighters.  Know what your habbit is and mix it up. If you always smoke with coffee, drink tea, or coffee with flavored creams in it and use your left hand to hold the cup. Or walk while drinking it.  Usually light up after a meal, have a distraction planned for that time.  Quitting and then worrying about it for an hour, as you found out, will only lead to anxiety and dwelling.  Our brains are conditioned to light up, we need to do something else instead. Plan ahead for craves, have your distractions ready, mints, gum, bite a lemon, nap a lot.  

Its not easy, but it is simple. It doesn't hurt to not smoke. The physical crave is like a hunger pang.  The psycholigical is the hardest part, which is why distraction is necessary.  And distracting RIGHT AWAY is key.  We really can't win an argument about whether or not to smoke.  Smoking can no longer be an option.  Make the promise to yourself, accept the fact that it will feel uncomfortable for about a week, and keep the promise.  YOU CAN DO IT!!

Please dont' hesitate to blog. You're not letting us down in anyway. We want to help, but its only you that you let down.   We're here to help you get back up, but we can't be if you don't blog.

Welcome back!!!!

[Riverdance]

Thanks to all of you!  I just did another (maybe silly) blog.  However, my mood is soooo much lighter than when I started writing and reading earlier this afternoon.

[Sootie]

Your other blog was not silly-----but how we smoke and whether we smoke the same way is really not the point. The point is as Jordan has already stated....it is simple but not easy....do not smoke.

Do not be panicky.....why panic?

You will have cravings. some of them will drive you crazy...do not smoke.

You will be wanting to eat a lot---ok...eat...do not smoke.

You will probably feel edgy and restless....ok---not the end of t.he world...do not smoke.

You will probably be somewhat short tempered...so what? I am sure you were short tempered when you smoked....do not smoke.

You will probably lack the motivation to do much and you will think about smokingl...OK---distract yourself with TV, or a walk or a card game....do not smoke

It is simple...not easy. do not smoke. Get through one day and then repeat that day over and over and over. Soon---THAT day will become your "normal." As I said on your other blog...as I tried to remember "how" I smoked to answer your blog....I realized I no longer even remember me smoking....I can barely believe I did...and for many,many,many years.

River....I can tell you REALLY want this......so c'mon. You may not be the poster child for "The Easy Way to Quit"......neither was I----but you CAN still quit.

We are all here for you.

[wishingstar]

Never give up and keep trying , because you will get it,. It just takes some of us a few times to do it. then you just get sick of restarting. that you finaly win.  Distraction and changing your routine is so important. , the more you do your new norm the easyer it will get.