SURPRISE, SURPRISE ,SURPRISE!!! Talk about triggers.

[fredb]

Here goes...My wifes mother has cancer so she ha been spending the last few nights there which is 70 miles from where we live...Let me back up here. I was helping my youngest daughter and son inlaw skirt a trailor they had set up. On one of the days my grand children Kiley 4 and Jaxson 2 1/2 told me that "daddy pushed mommy down the stairs and hit Jaxson in back iof the head and made him fall and Jaxson didn't even cfry". My wife asked me not to say anything to the son in law that night because everyone was so tired. Of coarse I asked him about it and he told me I had better shut my @#$%$#@ mouth. My daughter stepped in between us as wel as my wife and he shoved her again. You will not believe the RAFGE i felt to try to mess him up. Of course I didnt even try Im 5'4 and 129 on a wet day and he is 5'8 and a haed working roofer as well as an egomaniac who lifts weight on his off time. Anyway Ima recovering alcholic of 31 years and I know he is a messed up dude who has major issues to say the least,..Anyway I went outside and they left. The next day we visited and found a peaceful  space  i guess. I also wanted to call the police but thought better of it for fear of myn daughter getting more harm done to her  etc. I decided to not work on the skirting the next day and he called me and told me what a piece of @#$% i am and many oither wonderful things similar to that. So I decided to pack up my stuff and leve which left them in a very bad place to try to get all they wanted to get accompolished. So....Tonight will be the 2nd night that my wife is staying in town "with her mother who is not well with cancer" After trying ALL DAY to speake with her on the phone as well as face book I was able to finally get herto call me after asking one of my friends on facebook to have her call me. She finally did call and I asked her what is really going on and she assured me that there is alot going on right now besides her mother and that shwe will fill me in tomorrow night. A while back I discovered OUR accout only had $5 dollars in it and was told by the bank trellerthat the other "WE"had moved the money to a seperate and different account without my name and knowing. TRIGGERS" YA IVE GOT TRIGGErS.. But i know I have 3 stage copd and am really trying to NOT SMOKE >>>ANYTHING> I refuse to..no matter what. I dont even want to glo on line to find out the life expetancy of a person with my condition..I really pretty scsred right now and am just going to go to church tomorrow ( which I havent been to in quite awhile) and than to another fellowship of meetings to not drink and than HOPEFULLY find out some TRUTHS about this whole scenario. THANK YOU ALL SO MUC for letting me vent and I am open to any and all input, advice and any other info and support I can get. Thanks again ...FRED

PLEASE RESPOND IF YOU READ THIS I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO HEAR ME>>> I FEEL SO ALONE RIGHt NOW!!

[Barbara145]

You are in my prayers, Fred.  Sounds like a lot of stuff.but smoking won't help.  Things will get better.  Going to church sounds like a good idea.  Thinking of you.

[JonesCarpeDiem]

I hear you Fred.

[RachelMB]

Sorry to hear about everything going on.  Saying prayers for you.  🙂

[rogers1959]

Hopefully your daughter will remember who brought her into this world and think about her kids.that would be a trigger for any man ! Your a bigger man for not smoking

[Giulia]

You're not alone Fred.  We hear you.  Sounds like a real mess.  And obviously provoking many triggers.  But you also know the cost of going back to smoking given your COPD diagnosis.  So  smoking is just - not one of the options available for coping.  Venting is a coping mechanism.  Especially with people, like those on this site, that you can trust.  We may not be able to solve your problems, but we can sure hold your hand along the journey and pretty much offer non-judmental support. 

Obviously if it takes that much work to communicate with your wife - there's something major going on there.  I hope you will get an answer tomorrow night.  And I hope you're prepared for it - whatever it may be.  The fact that she left $5 in your mutual account without informing you, should tell you something.  But you don't have to be a victim.  Ask friends, seek out information on how to deal with such a scenario. 

If your daughter is in an abusive relationship - you can only offer her advice.  From the little I've read and understand about women who are in those kinds of relationships - it's difficult emotionally to get out of them.  Might not be a bad idea to at least put in a police report on what you were told by your grandchildren.  At least it will be on record should she ever make the move to get out of the relationship.  On the other hand - it might aggravate the situation.  You need to seek more widom than what we have to offer here on the site.  (Or certainly what I have to offer.) 

[shashort]

Wow sorry to hear all that is going on in your life at the moment.  I know your thinking it's tough what I am going through and my friend Nico will help make things better.  Sorry to tell you fred Mr. Nico dude is lying to you and is not your friend.  Smoking will not help solve anything with your relationships. Smoking will only worsen you COPD so please don't give in or give up. I will send prayers your way. Stay strong and remember NOPE!! Ou CAN get throguh this!!

[MePlus3]

You can report the abuse without either of them knowing. The only way he'll find out is if you press charges. Its good to put it on file though (police wife) I know a little something 😃 I'm so glad you're not smoking I know how difficult this time must be for you but remember you still have your quit which is excellent. As for the money you probably can't get that back however you can close the joint account and open your own so it can't happen again long as her name is on it she can do whatever to it legally.

[TerrieQuit]

Fred, you are definitely not alone! Come here and vent anytime, we are good listeners! I know from experience that it is hard to get out of an abusive relationship, especially when there are children involved. However, there are many resources out there for women and their children when they are ready! I am glad you are here. This sounds pretty messy, at best but you don't have to smoke, over it! I am praying for you and your family! When you get agitated try the pursed lip breathing in the link below

http://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases_conditions/hic_Understanding_COPD/hic_Pulmonary_Rehabi...

Here is another breathing exercise that helps me

Don't Quit on your Quit!

[Stopforgood]

I'm P

Praying hard for you Fred.  Hope it all works out for you and Family!

God's Love and Peace to you...

Prayers, Jim

[fredb]

Well Folks .. you've done it AGAIN You all helped save another save. And probable another life.Its all your fault you know.( I say this with humor.) Thank you so much. Im actually crying with tears of gratitude that I was GUIDED to this site. I do believe I just may be able to lay my head down and possibly get some rest. I don't know about sleep but rest.. I really look forward to coming to this site . You are all so supportive. If someone had told me my life would be as it is I probably would't have believed them. On thr other hand I probably would have BEGGED them. But I don't thinkk I would want to change shoes with anyone else. Hell..... This is better than the old soap operas I used to watch my mom watch. .....Stay tuned .. be sure to not change the chanel to find out.....tune in  same time tomorrow to find out....Is freds account rreally empty?... does he still have his house?.. or did his wife get it too! ....Will his daughter have enough sense to get out while the getting is good.?...Will Fred's motherinlay last the night?...Be sure to come back tomorrow ...same time ....same channel to find out....on the next chapter of..." FRED'S FIASCO'S"  LOLOLOLLOL.... If i didn't laught through these tears I'd surely be crying!!! I think go outside and NOT have a cig....Any followers? Good night folks it's 11:30 here in the big city of Helmvillee Montana population 200 if there is a family reunion! Time for this 60 year young soulmto turnout the lites. Night!.........PSSST....I'll let ya know what happens as soon as I find out....Don't tell anyone.... OK?....:>}nite

[RachelMB]

Fred-

Good morning.  My thoughts are with you as you sort out some of the things going on with your family.  Know that we are all here to support you. 

[c2q]

Sorry to be so late in responding - I just got back to the computer. I'll be looking for an update to your situation. You got friends, Fred.

[Daniela2016]

I hope you has some sleep last night Fred, and looking forward for the next episode of the story.  So happy you are not smoking over it, and you kept the sense of humor through it all!

Have a better day today!

[vanlil]

Wow - lots of drama.............not thrilled with the violence though. Please be careful - use the cops for that.

Glad you have your AA support Group - but that COPD is your responsibility Fred...........Use the Serenity Prayer constantly to stay strong.

Praying for you BIG TIME.

Lillian  127 days smokefree

[tjanddj]

Sorry to hear all that you are going through. My prayers for you.

[bonniebee]

Hi Fred my name is Bonnie i smoked for 52 years and now I am almost 21 months free of all nicotine !

I know how hard it can  be to quit  especially with the added stress of family problems ,violence and marital problems come into play ! Life goes on whether we smoke or not and it is great when you can come to realize that smoking will do nothing to solve the problems and will add to the problems of health and finances !

I am glad you are still a member of AA and this group between the two you have a lot of support to win in your effort to quit the smoking ! You are 31 years sober and that is a major accomplishment and shows the inner strength that you now hve for these challenges too !

Your daughter will have to learn on her own to love herself enough to get out of that violent relationship or at least seek help and you can encourage her to do so . When she reaches out for your help you can be there for her and be a witness if need be .

Stick close to your support groups Fred we are here for you !

[bonniebee]

I just noticed your post above Fred after I commented on your blog ! I know your sense of humor will also help you in your quit !!!

Stay Strong and carry on !!!! One day at a time will get you where you want to be .....FREE !