I am not an angry 3 year old afterall!!!

[ReallyReal]

Good morning!  I hope each of you is doing well today.

Yesterday I worked and the morning went very well.  Yet, as the day progressed things got rough at work and I got frazzled and overwhelmed.  And then, being frazzled, I started making some pretty big mistakes, some of which I caught and fixed and a couple I caught but could not correct.  At the end of the day I gave my boss the rundown of my errors and although he seemed slightly impatient he was pretty cool about it all.   But the part of my day that is relevant to the Ex is that as my day got "worse and worse" there was this 3 year old inside me that was stomping her feet and saying, "I'm angry.  I'm gonna smoke cause this day has sucked.  That'll show em."  I wasn't mad at anyone but myself and in fact there was a bit of shame over the big mistakes I had made--so makes sense right--let's smoke over this-- NOT!!  As I was driving home I found myself saying out loud over and over again, "Man, that was a really bad day."  And I actually was thinking a cigarette might really be the answer to soothing my troubled heart.  But then, a still small voice in me said, "Raissa, why are you looking at it as such a bad day?  Why not look at this day and say, 'Wow. I really learned a lot today and I won't ever make those same mistakes again'.  A good, solid day of learning today."  The angry 3 year old, pouting under the surface and wanting to act out calmed down somewhat and my urge to buy cigarettes dissipated.  Why would I commit self harm by smoking, the mistakes I made weren't catastrophic and I learned a lot.  That 3 year old inside of this 60 year old woman can stomp her feet, pout, think about acting out with bad behavior all she wants but she is not the whole me, the Raissa who has learned that I am a worthy, worthwhile woman who does not need to punish myself with cigarettes anymore.  In the past I may have looked at smoking as a reward I gave myself, but I know the truth now, it was self harming behavior and I deserve better.  I choose Life and I hope you will too.  Peace and healing to you, my dear Exers.

[Barbscloud]

@ReallyReal  Raissa, so proud of you for not letting the anger get the best of you. 

Barb

[biscuit9]

@ReallyReal  Just wanted to give you a pat on the back Raissa.  Do you recall the time when you would have obeyed that voice and did obey that voice, over and over?  Should make you proud to see the growth in your quit, to see how strong you are NOW, as compared to the early days of your quit.  Raissa is in charge now,  not the addict.

[YoungAtHeart]

I SEE you on the road to your Best Self, and I am very much liking what I see.  Quitting smoking is so much more than breaking free from just the physical and psychological addiction to it.  It is a journey of self discovery, of  learning new, healthy ways to live and react to what life throws at you.

And you are doing it ALL!  Congratulations on your growth!  Keep going!  Keep discovering!

YAY!

Nancy

[AnnetteMM]

One of my favorites.

[MarilynH]

You are a rock star Raissa @ReallyReal 🤗 I'm so proud of you! You're a true inspiration to all of here at Ex and I believe you're also a kindred spirit! 

[ReallyReal]

I'd like to give a big hug to each of you, @MarilynH @AnnetteMM @YoungAtHeart @biscuit9 @Barbscloud .  I hope each of you truly, deep down inside, understands how big a difference you make in real people's lives--you have in mine.  We can change the world by our care and support of others as they give up nicotine-I believe that is true.  You all are doing that here on Ex.  I know it is only I who can make the choice not to smoke for myself, but knowing that I am not alone in this search for freedom has made all the difference!!  Blessings!!

[champsin97]

Another inspiring moment from my quit buddy!  Thank-you for sharing.  You rock.

[ReallyReal]

Hey there, good morning @champsin97 --hitting 5 months smober!!  Yay us, quit buddy, WE rock!!

[CommunityAdmin]

Oh how I love your post Raissa @ReallyReal...  it really resonated with me. When we have bad days, we can easily go back to our old coping mechanisms. But I love how you talked yourself into looking at everything that went wrong into a positive situation. That is what it is all about. We can control our thoughts, which causes us to control our behaviors. Great job! 

Quiana, EX Team

[qsiesue]

@ReallyReal It must have been in the air this weekend. I too, had a rough weekend, and thought I could really use a pack of cigarettes, so I could sit out on the front porch and smoke, like the bad ol days, and the shitshow that is my life sometimes would be so much better!  Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech!  Hold up Qsisue! Like you and @champsin97 , i too am approaching 5 months smobriety, I aint lettin nobody or anything aggravate me enough to give that up!!!  We are so much stronger together. You, me, and Champsin97 are the three mustnotsmokekateers!!! 

Today, I feel better . I am grateful I didnt give in. Reading that you didnt also, makes me happy.

[CommunityAdmin]

I'm so happy that you didn't give in @qsiesue! Congratulations on being 5 months smoke free! 

Quiana, EX Team

[ReallyReal]

@qsiesue ya, those times when thoughts of the bad Ole days of smoking crop up when it has been a rough day--but do you notice that they are happening less often and the strength of their pull has gotten weaker?  I do.  Bummer that you had a bad weekend to but so very happy that you didn't give up your beautiful quit--ah, 5 months of freedom is nothing to shrug off and so easily give away.  Yes. You, @champsin97 and I have been a great little Cadre of quitters and I like your name for us!!  Cheers qsiesue!!  Be well!!

[biscuit9]

@qsiesue   Those are the moments that make or break our quits.  I  love that you SLAMMED on those brakes and threw that stinkin thinkin thought away.  Those moments really matter on this road to quitting nicotine.  Giving in is the easier thing and I want to congratulate you on not letting the addict win.  Good for YOU for taking care of YOU.  Much respect!!!!       quit day 533.

[McMoney]

I love this so much!  💙💙💙

[champsin97]

@ReallyReal , @qsiesue   Don't forget about @McMoney   She is part of our quit crew too.  Yep 5 months in 2 days.  We do ROCK!

[qsiesue]

@champsin97 and @McMoney @ReallyReal .........so I had a brain fart and missed McMoney, so I'm officially changing it to the 4 Nosmokateers, which was a real movie (Comedy) that came out in 1974. @McMoney I'm sorry quit triplett!

[McMoney]

As always, I am honored to be part of the crew! Love you guys!! 

[Kuymuchulol]

I want to hug that 3year old and you at the same time for realizing when “times get tough” it’s bout about.. what can I do to get out of it, rather… what can I learn to get through it! This gives me so much hope… Thank you

[ReallyReal]

Dear @Kuymuchulol, good morning.  I am glad my post helps give you a little hope.  For some of us, there is quite a bit of anger that presents itself to us when quitting, for all sorts of different reasons.  I was definitely very irritable and angry for awhile.  Then, anger would pop up unexpectedly, I guess just as it does for every human being.  The trick for me was to not allow my addict brain to use my anger as a reason to go back to smoking, which is exactly what the addict in me wanted--that was her goal, get me to smoke, and she told me all sorts of lies to get me to do just that.  Stay strong, there is a way through the anger, and through any of the other unpleasant to feel emotions that we face.  Lately, I've been dealing with depression, but I will not smoke.  Each day, despite feeling depressed, there is a part of me that can say, I am grateful for all of my blessings, so many of which are undeserved.  I am grateful for this new lease on life that quitting tobacco and vaping offers me.

I wish you well this day.  You are not alone and I am happy to see that you are posting and expressing yourself as you face the quitting process and all that it brings up.  Best wishes to you this day. --Raissa