today I had some really intense cravings. I know that the cravings were emotionally connected and not physical. (I thought that I had written about this earlier but I can’t find it? )
what I did think about was the day that I became addicted to cigarettes. I remember it distinctly. I was 13 and I had toyed with smoking off and on for about four years but I didn’t get addicted until this day. On this day I was feeling lonely and depressed. I went out for a walk and it was cold and dreary. I smoked my cigarette. After that day I began smoking on a regular basis.
It did help today for me to figure out when I became addicted. To remember that day. To remember those feelings. It was a sad day. Those are the feelings that I am associating with smoking.... Lonliness and depression.
I am going through some tough times now also. I think that this is why I quit smoking now. I know I will get through the tough times. When the tough times end and the good days begin, I want the good days to be without smoking. I associate smoking with being depressed and I understand why today.
So yea I am thinking about smoking a lot today but I am also thinking of the retrospective of why I started. And how when I get through these tough days I will associate smoking with the bad days When I get to the other side I want the good days to be smoke free...
