Yesterday I reached my 130 day milestone! Things are better than I ever thought they would be. My biggest trigger was smoking in the car. Turns out that's where I have made the most improvement. I used to fear driving on the highway and I have to drive it everyday for work because that's the quickest way. I would have my first cigarette right as I pulled out of my driveway. Then after 10 minutes or so, I would have to merge on and the anxiety would be pretty bad. I would always promise myself I could have one after I got off (I only have to drive 2 exits so it's not too bad). Like clockwork, as soon as I hit the light at the end of the off ramp, I would be reaching for my pack, still shaking from the short drive, and lighting one up. I hated it! Now, I only feel a slight raise in anxiety while merging and as soon as I am on the road, I am in the zone. I can blast my radio, sing as loud as I want (and I sing so much better now!) and I'm not awaiting my fix as a reward for enduring the drive.
In general, I enjoy driving so much more than I did when I was a smoker, I never thought I'd say that! I no longer have to feel guilty about other people inhaling my smoke. I no longer have to panic when I can't find a lighter or if I can't reach my pack, or if it's raining and the window is getting me and the cigarette wet. And then there was the dilemma on how many cigarettes I smoke during one car ride. I don't have to deal with that anymore!
I am so happy that I am smoke free. This quit felt different. When I set the quit day I knew there was no going back, no matter what happened, I was going to stick with it and do whatever it took to stay clean. And I am, 130 days later. Not one puff ever.
Happy breathing!
