I hardly know what to say on this auspicious anniversary. I certainly never thought 2,000 days ago that I would ever be here. It has not been all sunshine and roses but a LOT has been. I am so proud of myself that I cannot believe I am here. Yes, I have COPD and yes, it is pretty bad. I would give just about anything to have never smoked but, alas, we cannot go back and get a redo of adolescence. I am so happy to have quit smoking and I celebrate this day with a certain reverence for the amount of time that has passed and for the challenges I have faced down.
Yesterday was a particularly difficult day for me, I had to take my husband to the eye surgeon which is an hour and a half away and, of course, I got lost. This is my third time going to that office and my third time getting lost. My phone’s GPS stops talking while I am at crucial stages. WHY???? We left home early and were still almost 45 minutes late. I was a MESS, I was so stressed out that I was shaking. Back in the day...I would have HAD to pull over to smoke, wasting MORE time and feeding into my anxiety. All the while we were driving, my husband was saying that he was going to vomit. He gets very car sick. I told him to grab a cloth grocery bag from the back seat and just DO IT. His nausea was feeding my anxiety. On the way home, we hit dangerously strong thunderstorms with torrential downpours and strong winds. We were crossing a mountain when it hit and it made it harder than it might have been if we were not at higher altitude. I could hardly see the cars or trucks ahead of me and I dropped my speed down and turned on my flashers. Pulling over was not an option. When we got home, I was exhausted but had things to do, feed the cats, check for damage around the yard, and get out of my dressier clothing. My little cat, Clementine, loves to carry around a toy of hers that is a plastic stick with a ribbon on it and a “mouse” attached by yarn. I walked into the bedroom and stepped on it and literally went “flying”. I came to a stop on my left shoulder and knee and my right wrist...the little toe on my right foot was at a 90 degree angle to my foot. Good thing I am tough. I moved the toe back into alignment as tears flowed down my face and I got up and walked around to assess the damage. The left knee is bruised and swollen, the left shoulder is also significantly swollen as is the right wrist. We won’t even TALK about that little toe that now rivals the big toe for size. Yes, I was tired, I was actually exhausted so after eating and showering and applying ice packs...I went to bed. I could not sleep because of the constant throbbing in so many places...but eventually I DID sleep. I would have been outside smoking like a chimney in the old days...2,000 days ago but I have long since quitting learned what a joke that was and how it would not have helped. I wish each and every one of you a wonderful Friday, I am working today, walking with a rather decided but determined limp.
I will look forward to returning home and will be watching for that notorious stick.
Love,
Ellen
