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About me

I am a warehouse IT repair manager living in the Midwest, an Aunt to 9 excellent kids and a person who finally figured out how to quit smoking. My joys are wandering the city with my best friend Joseph and finding new hidden wonders, going to movies, working on art projects and laughing at silly stuff. 

Reading what I wrote below on my 73rd smoke free day I am reminded of my accomplishments thus far. I have twice that many days now. I have blogged about cravings and hard times because that is what we are told to do. It helps. I have accomplished some personal goals since I quit and have freed up a lot of time. It's amazing to me how many of my art projects are getting done since I stopped taking smoke breaks!

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Today I have 73 smoke free days. I lost track of the exact number of days, which is very cool to me. Earlier today I was standing next to some of my staff while they smoked and it was gross. I didn't have a craving or lingering thought. I am glad to be at this place. I tell anyone who will listen that I am a former smoker and will never turn back. Today I believe that.

I am about to finish the training needed to become a volunteer tutor with the literacy project in my city. This Saturday I will get a student. I am so excited and really hope I am good at this. I signed up to work with parolees or folks in recovery. Statistically, if an ex-con learns to read then they have an 80% less chance of ending up back in prison. That's amazing. The nicest thing about volunteering is that I often get more out of it than the other guy. 

I think I spent so much of my life avoiding things like big volunteer commitments because when would I feed my addiction? I spent a lot of time  stepping away to smoke, sitting  at home smoking, leaving the table to smoke. In these last 73 days I have had some wonderful times with friends around the table. I have seen a LOT of movies. I am volunteering. Wow, it's a whole new world! I feel blessed.

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Day 206.  Still a grateful non-smoker. It has been an intense journey. I wish I could say that everything I felt at Day 73 stuck. But as with everything else in life there are good times and bad times. Mostly I don't remember that smoking is possible. I don't think about it all day long like I did in the beginning. When I am feeling intense emotions it is still my first thought. But it's super important for me to remember that mostly I don't think of smoking. It's just not on my radar anymore with the consistency it was in the early days. That is not to say I have been struggle free. A good reminder when I have a weak moment and dwell on a craving is to run in place or otherwise get my heart rate up.  Then pay attention to the fact that I can breathe! It's even more fun to do with a smoker ;)

As I am told often here, attitude is everything. I have the choice to dwell on the difficulties or find something to be grateful for. At the very least I can just do something else for a while and whatever thing was making me consider relapse will pass. And I will find myself smoke free for yet another day!

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ONE YEAR!

This is only the second time in my life that I have managed to quit smoking for a year. This is also the only time that I feel like I really am a former smoker and I am not going to go back ever! It’s been a crazy year but here I am today, without a single relapse, about to dance across into day 365.

I got up on Sunday morning, day 363, to a Facebook invite from my sister to join a bunch of people in celebrating my 1 year anniversary of quitting. I was so touched and it really helped me realize how much love and support I have had in my journey, both here with my Ex Family and in my personal life with my friends and family.

The day I quit one year ago today began like any other Sunday. I was in the kitchen making coffee, after having smoked a few cigarettes already, when my heart began to race and I passed out. I ended up in an ambulance and a few weeks later had a cardiac ablation. I did come home from the ER that day and smoke the last 3 cigarettes in my pack because that’s what addicts do. I even said, “I can’t believe I’m the dumbass who rides in an ambulance with a heart issue and then smokes”, but that is what the nicodemon does!

From there my year was full of incredible stressors including my fathers decline with Alzheimer’s where he got lost and we eventually had to put him in a nursing home (I wrote a blog about getting through that day smoke free), a few more health issues of my own, selling my fathers home and moving my step-mother, other family issues and work issues and made up “most stressful day ever” issues and things I allowed to eat my serenity….. You get the point. There were so many times I could have justified smoking. But I came here, I blogged, I called friends; I cried or slept or ate chocolate. I did whatever it took to get to today. No one told me it would be easy but they did say it would get better and you know what? It did!

 





 

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