Tomorrow is the big day and I am attempting to deal with my fears and have and have an action plan for each. The biggest one bar far is gaining weight. I am already 25 lbs over and losing has been very difficult since I turned 30.
I had a recent quit attempt Feb of this year and stayed quit for 30 days. I was killing myself at the gym, eating health low carb meals, and successfully quit. But I was not losing ANY weight and got so discouraged that I decided to pick up smoking again until "I lose all the weight I want and then some" so I would have "room to gain a few pounds" when I quit. pfffffff!!! Well, I put another 10 pounds since then and am now 25 over instead of 15 over.
That said, I know smoking and waiting for weight to come off is not the right way, so I'm going to quit. I'm trying to prepare myself for the diet/exercising and maybe NOT losing weight part which causes me lots of anxiety...I am newly engaged and don't want to let myself go, if you know what I mean. So I really want to get this weight off. I also don't want to be so obsessed with weight to harm my health and get depressed about it. Ahhh so many thoughts, so many what ifs? Why couldn't I be more practical by nature? 😉
