My FINAL QUIT DATE is coming up this Friday, and I'm having so many mixed emotions. One minute I feel like just throwing the damn things away right now...what's the point in prolonging? The the next minute I'm wondering how I will do it. If I can do it. I've been really paying attention to the fact that THEY DO NOT HELP ANYTHING. They don't solve a single problem in my life right now....or ever!
Back in March of last year when I was told to stop immediately, I felt like I was grieving my best friend. How would I ever enjoy a morning, or deal with boredom and stress, or concentrate on my work without a cig break. All the usual reasons that we think we have for not giving them up. Plus I would have told you I honestly enjoyed them!! YUK! Now I know for an absolute fact that all of that is not even true! I've watched myself smoke them and I know they don't do any of that.
So here's what I've come to.....my biggest fear is that I will actually have to face my life!! I have decisions I need to make and somehow the smoking helps me avoid making them. I'm so focused on smoking/not smoking that I am able to completely ignore the bigger decisions. Not to mention that I totally avoid FEELING with a cigarette. As soon as a feeling threatens to happen I run for the pack. How about I start dealing with the feelings? How about I just start having them and riding them out on my own? What would a cigarette really change.....NOTHING! But not having one might actually move me forward and I just might find myself on the other side of whatever I think this pain is. I can't stop thinking "what would it be like to be FREE". I want my freedom!
So it's time to grow up, take my life by the horns, and turn it into something I am happy with.
