Why is it that the kids beg you to stop smoking but the first day they are with you without another adult to help you they show their butts. I mean the yelling at and fighting with each other. Don't forget the "Why Momma? U dont' love me." No I don't love you, I just quit smoking for you.I don't want you to grow up and do this nasty deadly junk so I quit so you will be healthy. True it is for me too. But the main reason I quit is for my girls. They are everything to me. Why don't they listen to me when I tell them that even tho I am trying my best not to go back to smoking that it would still be very easy to go back. That the nicdemon still has a hold on me. I am not free yet. I know I will never be totally free just like an alcholic is never totally free. I am so stressed right now. That is why I am typing this. So I will probably sound crazy as you read this. For some reason writing helps me. I have 2 tablets full of poems that I have wrote over the yrs. Some of them are sad ones. Honestly most of them are. I believe. That is how I deal with things. I just write. I always have to go back over it so I can fix it up. LOL! This morning as been one of those days. I love my kids the ones I gave birth to and the ones I watch but today it was like they all wanted to gang up on me. Nobody wanted to listen to anything I said. It was like I was talking to myself. Use to I wouldn't of cared if they were yelling I would of just smoked a cig. Why did I smoke? cause of stress? well that was the excuse I gave everyone of why I couldn't stop. I am calming down now and I didn't smoke. I am just writing. Man I was messed up back then. Now my sister in law tells me she smokes cause of stress. I want so bad to laugh at her. But I promised myself I was not going to turn into one of those nonsmokers. I am not going to lecture her. She didn't lecture me when I smoked and she didn't. Infact she took up for me when other family members would start in on me for smoking. When she gets to the point that she wants to stop I will be here to help her. Thanks for listening (reading) to all my rambling on. Have a good day and God bless.
