Day 60. More than just quitting

[Finallyquittin]

Just checking in again. Day 60 feels good. No major phycological cravings today. I have had a few smoking dreams. Where in the dream I say to myself why did you do that?! And I have to realize when I wake up it wasn’t real. 

I do still have a sadness. I think that it comes and goes in waves. I’ve talked about that before. Realizing that I’m going through changes and saying goodbye to that old life. Not just smoking but the mentality that I had when I was smoking. The “fun”.  The not caring about myself, doing whatever I wanted, eating whatever, staying up late.

It’s like I’m waking up to new version of myself. One that takes care of themself more. And feels worthy of that too. And it’s stemming from: Now I take care of my health. Now I don’t smoke. Now I want to live long. Now I want my lungs to breathe.

 It’s not just quitting for me. It’s life bringing. 

[SuzyQ411]

I totally hear what you are saying @Finallyquittin . There is definitely grief over loss. Curious if you have written a goodbye letter to cigarettes'? Many-- including me -- have found some release in doing that and have posted the letter as part of the process. There are some great examples in the Best of the Ex files. 

BTW, you are doing great!

SIXTY DAYS FREE!

WAHOOO!!

GOOD WORK!!!

[biscuit9]

@Finallyquittin   Congratulations on 60 days of freedom from nicotine.  Very happy for you.  You are accomplishing your goal in spite of how you "feel" at the moment.  I was not jumping for joy at 60 days (at least not everyday), but I was NOT smoking and a part of me still understood I was winning.  Allow your body to continue healing and let your feelings catch up.  Get your joy from other things right now. You win when you don't smoke.  Hugs and stay strong.

[Barbscloud]

@Finallyquittin 

Barb

[champsin97]

Congrats on 60 days smoke free!  Another milestone.  Another win.  Another day getting stronger.  I remember those dreams about the same time.  I used to wake up and go outside to make sure there were no cig butts on the ground.  Even at day 113 I still am trying to get used of the new way of living without nicotine.  Just keep strong of mind.  Keep pledging every day and keep coming here to celebrate your wins!

[CommunityAdmin]

Congrats on 60 days, @Finallyquittin! That's major! And it's totally understandable and normal to grieve a previous version of yourself, even while you're embracing the current version. There were a few Mayo Clinic blogs that addressed this: 

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/t5/Mayo-Clinic-Blog/Something-is-missing-something-is-different/b...

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/t5/Mayo-Clinic-Blog/Processing-Uncomfortable-Emotions-on-Your-Qui...

Hope these blogs are helpful in understanding your current (and perfectly normal) feelings.

- Danielle, EX  

[Finallyquittin]

Thank you all for your encouragement. And shared experiences. I feel seen and heard and it helps on this path.