Cancer Survivors and Fighters

[dawn4]

Good morning, Jojo!

[TerrieQuit]

Hello! The weather is starting to change here in Ohio. It will be getting down in the 40's next week! I do enjoy the fall but winter, not so much. I get depression (SAD) and ole Arther starts rearing his ugly head and I have a lot of COPD flare-ups. For now, I am going to be positive and wait to see what happens.So Today I am happy and full of hope! I am praying for everyone always!

Enjoy your Day and Don't Quit on your Quit!

[smorgy8513]

I had a major emotional night last night.         I'm used to the physical pain, used to doing things to help myself......but last night I felt so alone.     

I have to understand that dealing with disease has a hugh emotional component to it as well.

I've got an appointment set up in a couple of weeks to see a therapist.      Need to have someplace to let go of all of this.

Do other people experience the deep emotional pain as well?

Is that a part of chemo?

Bless your day my dear Friends!

Sharon

[Giulia]

Sharon, but of course having a disease has a huge emotional compotent that goes along with it.  It's surprises me that you're just discovering that. 

I experience deep emotional pain OFTEN (and I'm not speaking of disease induced.)  When I was in my late teens I was (as many of us are) all too emotional.  Everything hurt my heart so much.  So much in fact that I taught myself to be a rock, an island (as the Simon & Garfunkel song went).  And I mastered it.  I felt nothing.  No physical nor mental pain.  But then one day several years later I turned around and said, "I intend to be an actress, how can I be an actress and allow no feeling of pain into my life."  And I reversed course.  Now I feel just as much pain as I did before I became the "rock."  And it hurts.  But I think there's a happy medium and I'm working on making it happen.  By controlling where my thoughts go.  I KNOW we have the power to choose what we think about and how we react to our environment.  But learning HOW takes a lot of work.  Gurus don't become gurus over night.

The other thing I want to add regarding your feeling "alone."  You are alone.  We all are, even though we may share a similar experience, or even the same experience.  The best way I can put it is - when I finally was on Broadway for the first time, the thing that struck me when the curtain call came around was how incredibly alone I felt.  That no matter how many actor friends were in the theatre that night, no matter how much my mother (who couldn't be there), KNEW what I felt like, nobody was inside me that could actually experience spiritually, emotionally and physically what I was experiencing.  And I felt more "alone" at that moment, (even though it was also one of the happiest), than I've ever felt in my life.  It was devastating and a stunning dichotomy to me.  I so wanted to share that feeling of joy with others, but it could never be for they could not be inside me.  I don't know if this makes any sense, but I pass it on for  whatever it's worth.  Obviously not to make you feel more alone, just to share the feeling of aloneness.  For there is relief in sharing pain. ♥

[newlife5]

hi sharon, just wanted you to know that i read your blog and wanted to sharo de some beliefs i have i hope they are helpful to you, i have been told i am very insightful, but the truth is these are just truths that have been told to me and i carry them close to my heart.

crying is your bodies way of release. that is why we as women get emotional at month,during pregnancy,and during menopause,

you have a chemical imbalance.and your body is trying to restore itself.

at resent you are going through chemotherapy...that is chemicals that are not normally present are being pumped into your body...

i am so glad you had someone there with you.it would be nice if your son could treat you out to dinner sometime or matbe his friend prepare dinner for you.

but dont feel bad about showing emotion you are entitled you are in a major battle. for your life.and you are going to need all the love you can get.

[smorgy8513]

Thank you my friends.      I knew it was safe to share my fear and my frustration at my "emotions".       As a therapist I've always said "cry, get the feelings out"......but I was taught not to show feelings and at my old age I still struggle with it.

I wish there was a way I could share how much I appreciate all of you.

Just simply........

Blessings and love!!!

[TerrieQuit]

I don't comment very often because most of the time I can't find the words. Sharon I do want you to know that I care about you and I am praying for you a lot and you are in my prayer circle. Everyone here is!

I Love my EX Family!

Don't Quit on your Quit!

[fredb]

Hi Giulia..Im fairly new at this whole site but yes I can relate to the emotional pain. I really think is is because of all the "IF ONLYS"..that are now not to feasable for me. I just turned 60 years old the 10 of this month and realised that Angie( my wife of 30plus years) and I really need to make out a will. Not that we have much at all but to make life easier for our children when the time comes for god to take either one of home.  Her lungs are compromiswed with sever blood clots and mine are compromised from smoking(emphesemia). I recent got some reports back on line from a doctor but I dont understand the doctor jargon so I need to go in and have it explained to me. Im feeling really sad that I screwed up my ": dreams" by smoing abd also surely have shortened my life. Im not sure if I want to ask the doctor how long I may have to live  because it mign=ht be shorter than I think. But I gess I need to bite the bukkett and find out. I alsio have anxiety which just compounds all this so sometimes i actually have to say to myself" just settle down ..take it easy ..andthis will pass. Sometimes I feel like Im just whistling in the dark.I hope that God does forgive my sins as well as the damage Ive done to the body that he blesed me with. Man Im really laying it out here right now but I guess this is how it works. Im also a member of another program for drinking and I havent had a drink in over 31 years. I cant even imagine where I swould be if I had continues. Anyway GOD BLWESS YOU and I will pray for you as well. ,..Have a great evening... You deserve it!!

[Giulia]

Fred, making out a will is a very good idea and it's mostly for the children.  I can't tell you how many family feuds I've seen due to the lack of a will.  It can save a lot of heartache which shouldn't be going on especially at that time in anyone's lives.  Everybody should have a will, especially if they have children. 

I'm sorry for you and your wife's lung problems.  Stopping smoking is the best thing one can do for one's self under the circumstances.  We can't undo the damage we've done, but we can cease to continue to promote it anyway.  And that's a sin we won't have on the books!  Also there's a saying I rather like "Believe the diagnosis, not the prognosis."  Make the best of every day.  That's what we all need to do.  (By the way, this is Sharon's [Smorgy's]  group, in case you didn't know.)

[smorgy8513]

Giulia, this is EVERYONE'S GROUP.       I just wanted there to be an opportunity for those of us who have damage due to our smoking to have a place to talk about it.

Fred, I believe God forgives us when we ask for it.       I felt so much shame and guilt when I got the diagnosis of lung cancer.....I had done it to me through my smoking!         Then I find out it is stage IV and that makes it even scarier.       I did ask my dr how long I had and he said that is not something he could even tell me.      So much depends on what we do from today on.........

So....the big one is......NO MORE SMOKING!          

Am I ready to die?     NO,     I have so much I still want to do.         But all it comes down to is this:

I have today........nothing more, nothing less.

So, let's make the most of it.

Question for everyone:

If there would be 1 thing you could do today that you have always wanted to do......what would it be?

I still want to do a zipline........but scared to do it.

Share your "bucket list" #1 thing.

And Fred........keep coming here and talking to us.......it will help!

Sharon

[smorgy8513]

Welcome to Marilyn H!

Now tell us about what is working/not working for you with your physical "stuff".

Also, give an example of how you are "hanging in" even on tough days (I'll admit that is a selfish one for me!)

Let's support each other on this journey!