It was a good attempt

[taylorja5]

I tried but once again I can't. Bought another pod. I just like want to stop vaping but then again I do not want to. I talk myself into and out of wanting it all for different reasons. I am not a drinker but it baffles me that it seems nicotine is worse or seems to be to me. I want to quit I think because I feel society wants me to. I mean health obviously. Im already with issues and at risk. Not happy with my life but continuing to push forward. When I vape it makes me feel good. They say a puff of stress and while it does probably stress you out more and create anxiety. It provides me relief with that as well as my own enjoyment. Idk it's cuz I am addict d sure but it's like I just want to have my thing. I vape a pod a day and have chronic medical issues that to me it helps me feel better and feel happier in a way but my family and all , it's not what they like. But they drink and do their things so it's like why stop. To save money and no die. But I can make the money and we all die. I'm just lost and will continue vaping until I figure it out. 

This time really felt good I was feeling a diff life and wondering what it's like. Until I said why to myself. Over the course of 10 hours talked myself back to a store . . . 

For some reason I think it is better if I can control and limit it to just say I can have a 30 min vape once a day ... Until your reaching Everytime your stressed out. Glad others are doing it. I'm just not in the right place yet I guess. Not sure I ever will be. 

[taylorja5]

now that I have nicotine in my system I can feel it , and while it is somewhat good I think about how I am upset with myself. How I wasted my money on this. The things I love to do i feel I can't enjoy with out vaping. I know that is false because I once did. This is how I know its bad and I'm addicted and want to stop. This is my nightmare. It's like to sides and I can not stick to one even. 

Makes me want to vape to not worry. Once these pods are done I'll be in the hellish cycle again. I actually wish I could accept it and move on or just quit. This sitting on a fence sucks the worst 

[Barbscloud]

@taylorja5 Welcome to the Ex.  Yes you can.  No one said this way going to be easy.   Quitting smoking is one of the hardest things I've done in my life.   It took my 50 years and many attempts finally quit. I used some tools including some aids, but when I found the Ex I learned how to quit for the first time and how invaluable support from other quitters meant. 

Take the time to learn how to do this.  Part of it is mindset and part of it is hands on work identifying triggers, what tools you'll use, what associations you'll create instead of smoking, etc.   Spend time on the site, getting a well as giving support.  The early days take commitment so why not have other quitters to help you deal with the up and downs of this journey.

Did you give any thought to using nicotine replacement or medications to help with your quit? They can make it much easier to cope with the physical withdrawal symptoms.  Working on the psychological part of quitting is where the education and and preparation come into play. It's important to be prepared when a craving or memory of smoking hits    What we're you doing or feeling when you vaped  What could you have done instead?  Identify the the tools and behaviors you'll use to replace smoking.

You might find this article from the Mayo Clinic informative. Understanding Nicotine Addiction & Why Quitting Cold Turkey Is Challenging

We're here to support you on this journey.  Believe in yourself-we do.  Share your experience and reach out anytime you need help.

Join many of us on the Daily Pledge to stay on track one day at a time.

Stay busy and stay close.

Barb

[biscuit9]

One of the reasons why I stayed quit,  was knowing that if I started again, it would only be temporary happiness.   I was only smoking to feed the addiction, so why start again and be miserable, I told myself.  So I chose to go nicotine-free and yes I had some very challenging moments, but I knew if I started smoking again, I would want to quit again.  You have put up a very good post and the followup post you added, is the conflict most addicts go through with nicotine, and the guilt.  You put it out there in real terms and if I had to make a guess, you are going to stay conflicted about choosing to smoke.  Your conscience wants you to quit for all the right reasons, but your addiction reels you right back in.  You have shown a good example of what addicts go through with your post.  

[maryfreecig · Accepted solution]

Welcome to Ex! You do not have to quit until you are ready--your quit is on your say so. This is a community, IMO, that is here to support you in your decision to quit. It does seem that you returned to nicotine because you were not prepared to deal with the cravings--yet here you are at Ex sharing your experience which means to me that you are invested in quitting but have not found your path out of this.

It is only as addicts that we believe we can't live without the stuff, but when we kill the addiction it becomes sooooo clear that we can do anything without nicotine! Craves do not go on forever. A lot of would be quitters fear that they will last for the rest of their lives and that quitting is about missing out and having to do without. They just won't plague you forever!!!

There is no magic to quitting. You do not have to have the perfect life, perfect coping skills, a happy personality 100% of the time. You don't have to be a hero. Take some time to think about your quit, what it really means to you and how planning (including NRT if that makes sense to you) can help you move forward instead of going through the "hellish cycle." 

I quit almost 10 years ago and know without a doubt today that I never, ever, ever need to take nicotine again. I can handle life just fine without it! 

Recovery is real, it is definitely not compliance to please others or go along with the crowd. One step, one day at a time you can sort this out.

[Anonymous]

Addiction is playing tricks on you and lying . You most certainly can do this .You are no exception and you can  quit . Deciding to is the hardest part because our addiction keeps throwing a curve ball or two to see if you are really serious . 
If you come every day to Ex and you post before you vape you have  more that half this battle beat . If you crave so hard you want to give in you come here first and post help and then wait for three responses to your post . If the urge has not passed you wait for three more responses .  You learn the breathing technique inhale calm exhale the anxiety while you are waiting and if you do that you can take your anxiety from a ten to half that , even lower and those craves or thoughts of vaping will become manageable . You just need a few good “nos “ to vaping and winning over the temptation and then you just keep going . You can do this . I’m so glad you posted your feelings , that’s exactly how to get through this .Don’t buy bum or borrow anymore vaping stuff , you are right , it’s a waste of money . You deserve  health and wealth , and vaping steals that . 

Maki 4445 DOF 

[CommunityAdmin]

Hello,

It sounds like you are going through the normal feelings of conflict between wanting to quit and wanting to keep vaping. Ambivalence is part of the process. You're absolutely right vaping can increase the feelings of stress and anxiety so having some healthy ways to cope through that can be very helpful. And it's okay to recognize that  it's something you enjoy or else it wouldn't be hard to stop, right?

Here's a link about quitting vaping with some ideas for you to look over when you're up for it-having more tools in your toolkit  might be helpful for you. https://www.becomeanex.org/ex-resources/about-quitting/get-ready-to-quit/quitting-e-cigarettes/

You are coming on here for support so it's still on your mind which means you haven't given up on the idea entirely. 😊 

~Margaret, EX Community Admin Team

[taylorja5]

Thank you for all the replies. It means so much. I am trying to get back to where I was mentally. They say wait for time when less stress and all but that's never for me and my life. I do enjoy it , or at least the nic demon is making me think that. I read to posts on here that solidified me wanting to stop. One talked about how the chemical causes your brain to trick you. I am a good manipulator and I realized it's being used against me. I have a strong mind and to realize this really makes me feel sick inside.

The other talked about treating like a relationship where vaping has been with me and with me through many events in my life. It's time for me to break up with this toxic relationship. It's too demanding.

Sept 7th is my daughter's first birthday and I want to stop by then. Since my last post I have felt lots of feelings and had many arguments with myself. Trying to put it down but keep trying to tell myself it's ok just try it again to make sure it's what I want. I know it is though. Been saying that I'll stop tomorrow forever it feels. Always the last time right. Today was a hard day to stop and I really wanted to like start sept 1 but planning to by Sept 7 ... hard stop. I want to say no and I'm like stressed out and want to vape . It's horrible. Haven't been able to say no yet. Gearing up for it when I got a couple hours to like breath but 

I feel it's best to wake up and not do it. I feel today I have failed again. Might not have made Sept 1 work. But no reason tomorrow I can not try. It's tough. But I know pain is only weakness leaving the body. Just need to be ready to endure it a bit. Sounds drastic but it's how I work. 

All the words shared with me are really helping me. Honestly This is the first time I feel I can see this ending. Thank you for your support. Once I have my first vape free day I will start a journal post to document and like just get my feelings out. It really helps. And helps knowing there are people listening and supporting. Thank you. 

[maryfreecig]

Ten years ago today I was totally unaware that I'd  be quitting smoking. But soon I would be because  on Sept 17 or 18 in 2013 that a situation triggered the idea that I ought to quit, that I could...that maybe now is my time...  From that split second questioning about quitting, I suddenly found myself preparing like mad to quit (ideas/videos online, notes, reading suggestions). Funny thing is that before that decision to quit, I had no idea at all. Like mose nicotine addicts, I just paid very little attention, I ignored my problem. I made good on my intentions to quit, but it was not as though it was easy. It was messy, I was messy. That was then. We get better.

Since this is the first time you can envision ending vaping, why not latch on to that and keep envisioning that and out of that start planning? If you are failing a lot, you might be pushing yourself into action, trying to force yourself to quit, without believing that you want to or can. 

Almost no-one believes they can quit!!! Let me repeat that-- almost no-one believes they can quit. We have to come to terms with our decision, then willingly accept the job of quitting.

Also, it's not as though everyone who quits feels tortured, or tortured for months on end. Some within a week or two are so surprised they could do it, that by that alone the future looks better, the work to quit seems less hard.

We want to support you here at Ex, not grade you on whether you keep your word! We're former smokers we know the addiction, we know it is so hard to let go. But you can do this!!!

You have everything you need to quit right inside you

[taylorja5]

When I envision my life after like you describe I only think of it as unhappy , borings and sucks. But then again it's my daughter's first birthday and as I watched her open presents I was thinking about if I really am stopping nic or going to the store later. I have not had any nic since last night. At this point I am trying to talk my self into and out of going to the store. To think tomorrow I may be focused on it as well. It would be fine if my focus wasn't like this. I know I'm being tempted to just restart the cycle I just went through. And being stuck is is def worse than just quitting but it's like I am trying to convince myself to just get maybe some more of the low stuff. See last week I had a 5% pod and was suppose to stop. Well then decided after running out. I like it too much to stop. Went to the store and they only had 1.8% so I got that and thought it's fate trying to get me off it. So yeah it helped some and I def feel like I have lost a lot of jic but it def helps. Today is suppose to be my quit day and I am going insane. I think if I just go to store and vape and be more controlled I can feel better. But I also know thats a lie. I do not want to fail. But I also feel it may be that I just fail 5 days from now. I'm not a positive person and I would like to say I got this but either the other personality or the nic is telling me , no bro you got nic, we will get you some and you will be fine.. and it will be until like 2 days goes by and I am back to considering why I need to stop and also getting money to buy more. It feels and sounds awful. I can't stop myself. I mean right now I have no way to get it. I could make it to 8pm but then I will regret heavily that I didn't go to the store. I can't think about 8 pm to like 2 am. I'll just be pacing around the house. It's scary and that's why I feel like I should go get another 1.8% pod to help ween more. Maybe I didn't quit on my daughter's birthday but started to be better? 

Idk what to do . . .