Have gained nothing positive

[Gwenivere]

I am almost 6 months into this quit.  I’ve never felt worse in my life.  I feel like an oddity as everyone else is so positive about the changes.  I have no motivation as I have many health-and emotional problems that have been exhaserbated since I started this.  I’ve been reluctant to post again because of replies telling me te suck it up, give up the NRTs, I’m making myself worse and other responses that leave me feeling more isolated.  NRT or not, the nicotine delivery or lack of, I tried dropping them, has altered my medications I take daily and cannot find a harmony with anymore.  I have contacted my doctor and it’s one experiment after another.  I am alone in this with no family or friends.  I was forced into this and while I’ve had plenty of time now to educate myself, I’m still left wondering why I feel so much worse.  I can’t take a walk because of pain.  I can’t think clearly because of that, anxiety and bad sleep.  Just ne ede d to vent a bit.  I’m Glad all of you are experiencing positive results.  Wish I could join you.

[Andstillirise]

I just quit cold turkey . 

Yes , after the quit Xanax works differently due to strength I guess .....

Anxiety is just awful and people who have never had experienced crippling anxiety don’t understand its not just being nervous or jittery . It’s sheer terror that stays above your head like a black cloud. 

I know it’s so hard but hang in there ! 

On Monday, April 29, 2019, 10:02:12 PM CDT, Gwenivere <communityadmin@becomeanex.org> wrote:

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by Gwenivere in Re: Have gained nothing positive in BecomeAnEX - View Gwenivere's reference to you

Yup, not being able to exercise really sucks.  I get so restless as I miss the endorphins.  Not very fond of excruciating pain either.  

I am on Xanax since being diagnosed in 87.  Had them pretty much under control but the quit messed up the dosage and schedule.  They are insidious beasties I wouldn’t wish on anyone.  People don’t understand they are far more than being nervous or antsy.  I have a cousin with with crohns who has told me the challenge of that.  As if our plates weren’t full enough with the Quit, eh?

thank you for your thoughts Andstillirise.  15 days is something to be proud of.  I don’t know if you are doing it cold or with help, but my best wishes to you.

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[VAPEASDEADLY]

Gwen,

I am 54 days into a zero nicotine life.  I read this thread and see more then just nicotine withdrawal . Kid, I get it.
Life smacks us, and getting off nicotine seems to make problems amplify.   

JonesCarpeDiem   posted a message about a No-Mans-Land at 30-100 days.I could well relate to it.

FWIW,
I quit Cold Turkey, and paid holy hell for what seemed like an eternity. but in actuality, the worst was 30 days. My 2 Cents? if you have NICOTINE in any form in your system, you are only extending the pain you feel. 
sometimes feeling worse is a matter of "being in the problem, and not the solution".  find ways to distract yourself when you are in it.

From my perspective, nicotine, is a small part of this whole adventure. Coming to EXCOMM, is a good way to process much of what i think and feel.

try journaling. we  come here to "vent"  and  we ask for validation in some way. People will recommend and provide feedback for things and having a willingness to consider suggestions is a key to recovery.  Your situation is no different than most of us, Nicotine is a small portion of a much larger issue. Keeping your quit on will definitely help in the long term with your over all pain management process.

BTW, i have family members with mental health concerns and a wife and daughter both with severe sleep and anxiety issues, and they did go see a psychiatrist. Initially the PCP prescribed benzo, and the psychiatrist changed it to other less impactful medications and behavioral counseling. ie. learning how to deescalate the brain.  My grown daughter still struggles at time with sleep issues, anxiety and ADD. It was ONLY through a psychiatrist her life changed without benzos.

Are you using the benzo to manage the withdrawal anxiety?  

are you on an NRT, with nicotine that is keeping nicotine receptors active?

I am on Xanax since being diagnosed in 87.  Had them pretty much under control but the quit messed up the dosage and schedule.  They are insidious beasties I wouldn’t wish on anyone.  People don’t understand they are far more than being nervous or antsy.  (some people do understand more than you realize, if you give them a chance)

the reason TO go to a psychologist or psychiatrist, one worth their salt would look at your situation more holistically

Things i would "discuss" with them.

What diagnosis provided the Xanax?
What pain management medicine are you on?

What other medications are you on?

Nicotine withdrawal?
Lifetime behaviors?

The human mind and body is extremely complex.
n.o.p.e. Not one puff ever.

kudos for coming and venting.

best regards.

Rex

[Gwenivere]

RUVAPEASDEADLY, to be honest, I really tire of being told about NRTs.  It was a big decision being forced into a quit with no prep and I knew cold would become a cycle of fails.  Been there before.  

I take benzos because cause I have Panic Disorder.  I’ve had it for over 30 years and it was diagnosed by a shrink.  Still see a doctor and do counseling.

I’m aware there are two camps on the best way to quit.  I don’t advise cold quitters and have only asked for it from other people that have experience with NRTs.  

I know you are trying to be helpful, but the result is tempering my defensiveness.  I have a full plate of big stressors like constant pain, becoming a widow with no family or friend support for all these changes much less the grief of itself.  

I guess the best best I can do is make sure my profile has this info.  

I do appreciate the time you took to reply.  I’m not myself right now and just struggling to survive day to day.  What I most need is validation for the choices I have made.  

Id like to add that it’s always a good idea to think about if the post you are writing came to you.  Would you like to feel you were pinned to the wall with questions?  Making assumptions that someone you knows mental conditions doesn’t mean it can be close to who you are responding to.  

[JACKIE1-25-15]

I can only advise you to read some of crazymama_Lori‌ blogs.  She is an Elder with experiences such as yours.  When I don't have the answer, I could always call on her because of her journey.  I hope reading some will help. https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/wisdom-and-motivation/blog/2018/01/13/when-the-light-switc...https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/wisdom-and-motivation/blog/2018/01/13/when-the-light-switc...

Wishing you the very best.  You are doing great. Kudos. 

[lqsi12]

" now with no family or friend support "

Keep in mind all the friends you have here pulling for you, trying to help you with so many things you have going on the best we can

[crazymama_Lori]

the broken sleep pattern and that overwhelming depression is what I also experienced.  I never was depressed before OR at least I thought I wasn't because I used smoking as my coping skill and it was giving my brain what it needed every 15 minutes.  I was an insane chain smoker for 43 years.  Looking back now when I was going through that, I wished I would have spoke to my doctor about it and got some drug therapy to help with both the sleep problems and depression.  I still have bouts of insomnia and periods of brief depression but nowhere near what I had during that first year.  When I did get a good night's sleep, I could conquer the world, but those were few and far between.  I hope you find some comfort in this journey.  The best advice I can give you is stick with it, vent all you want !!!!

[Gwenivere]

Thank you crazymama_Lori.  There are medications that help when we need them.  It’s what they were created for.  As the saying goes, the are no awards for suffering needlessly.  No one questions a persons needs for antibiotics, nor should they about taking on a daunting endeavor.  

[Thomas3.20.2010]

I'm praying for you, Gwen! I have deep depression and giant anxiety and a lot of not so happy things happening to me right now. I feel alone and lonely - very scared and nervous. I have 9 years smoke free and won't relapse but I do feel close to giving up. What I will do instead is to take one single pass at a time and congratulate myself for each and every one of them. I make a list of the most mundane things like starting the dishwasher and getting dressed and as each thing is accomplished I cross that one off! It feeds me dopamine since I have chronic pain and cannot even go for a walk. I also play phone games all day to keep feeling victorious even though my world seems to be falling apart. I don't know when but I do know that some day I will feel different. But for now this keeps me going forward.

[Barbscloud]

Thomas, sometimes these responses get lost in a long line of posts.  I do so admire folks like you and Gwen that are dealing with so much in your lives and still retain your quits.  I certainly have times that I feel sorry for myself, but then realize how fortunate I am . I know you're not going to give up.   Even though you can't do all the physical things you'd like to do, you are shining star to new quitters and no so new quitters like myself.  I've been thinking about smoking  more lately.  I guess because of the changing season.   But if you and Gwen can deal with what you've been dealt, I can certainly not smoke because flowers are blooming.   Thanks.

Sending caring thoughts

Barb

[Gwenivere]

9 years and you are still struggling?  I’m so sorry and that scares me about what I have gotten myself into.  I check off stupid little things that were once just a part of everyday life.  The pain robs me of things I want to do but can’t.  It also has made me a professional patiently and that is not a job I want.  I almost said screw this the other night.  At least when I smoked I was productive.  It’s said quality, not quantity.  That I am sorely missing.