I am proud to say that I am now 28 days smoke free. According to the NHS, getting past the first four weeks of quitting will make you five times more likely to quit for good. This means two things: 1. I've come a long way and 2. I've got a long road ahead of me. I'd be lying if I said I still didn't get cravings or if I didn't miss it, but I have a few reflections to make on my first four weeks being smoke free.
1. I've become much more aware of the reasons why I used to smoke. It wasn't just an addiction, it was also a crutch for social situations. If I wanted to get away from a social situation for a few minutes, going out for a smoke was the perfect excuse. It not only gave me temporary respite from company, but it also engaged a habit that felt good to me in that moment
2. Smoking was more that just a habit. I think it's safe to say that smoking became intertwined with my identity. People came to expect me to always have rolling papers on me or always have a lighter on me. I was the person to invite out for a smoke on a night out. It became apart of who I was. That sounds dramatic, but also shockingly true in my experience. It became one of those things that was deeply attached to my sense of self (i.e. my name is Ben, I am friends with X Y and Z people, I work at X, I like doing X Y and Z things to relax). Among those things that were distinctive to how I live my life, smoking was very much a key component to it. So it stands to reason that by quitting smoking, I am now distancing myself from a previous version of myself. And I think that is one part of this journey so far that I've found particularly challenging. I guess the closest thing I could compare it to is when you stop hanging out with a certain group of friends because, while you may have a lot of history together, they are no longer good for you.
3. I came to this third conclusion through comments that other members of the community have left on my previous weekly reviews. It's better to look at smoking as a relationship rather than a habit. I think because smoking was apart of my life for so long, it will be a long time before I can say that temptation is gone for good. It's as if I'm trying to stop myself from messaging an old love interest, and it becomes easier everyday. After a while, it just becomes an intrusive thought more than anything. Somebody said that it was really just a matter of getting into the habit of "saying no to yourself for yourself." I think that's the best way it could possibly be expressed because it gave me a very monumental personal ultimatum. That ultimatum being this: which do I value more? My relationship with cigarettes or my relationship with myself? And the fact that for the past 28 days I chose myself has been a very defining feat for me.
4. Like most people, I've tried quitting smoking multiple times over the past five years and this is the most successful I've been so far and I think I can owe this to two main things. 1. I've been documenting my progress on EX Community where I've been recieving encouragement and feedback on a weekly basis and 2. Unlike the previous times that I tried to quit, this time I'm quitting because I actually want to quit, not because I feel like I'm supposed to want to quit. I've truly benefited from challenging my personal reasons for wanting to quit in a regular basis. This helped me eliminate any doubt I had about my quit. This is something I'm going to have to keep doing, but I've had a good amount of practice now, so I'm not worried.
This journal is rather different from my previous three because rather than reflecting on the week I'm reflecting in the past four weeks as a whole. This is purely because week four has been the least remarkable. I say this because it's been the easiest week so far I feel great, I'm confident in fighting my cravings and I'm looking forward to having a smoke free life.
