TIME TO BE HONEST WITH MY FRIENDS

[empathy]

iT'S "The Good Smoker " here. I haven't written to anyone for awhile but some of you have been keeping in touch with me and I thank you for that! YES I HAVE BEEN SMOKING. I want to swear and scream and though a fit but that would help nothing. And of course in my mind I can here some people saying or thinking "Boy we have a lot of winners here" or "She is really feeling sorry foe her self , boo hoo." That's just my messed up mind. Yes, I am back to not smoking and no matter what I will not quit trying to quit, but I really thought I had quit before. I made it almost 4 days. I did not want to have to do that again for nothing in the world! I keep thinking "why do people go back to smoking after they have made it through with drawl when withdrawal is so hard?"  Then I turned around and smoked and I am so disappointed in myself I can't even find the words to express it. I want a smoke so bad right!!! This is INSAIN. I don't trust myself either. I found an empty pack of cigarettes in my purse and almost had a heart attack because I thought there maybe some in there and I would have lit right up. The last time I felt stronger, Now I feel like everything I hate in people IE wimpy, whinny, scared, weak and so on.Today I will be seeing that therapist I was hoping I wouldn't need anymore to help me learn how to deal with stress and anger in other ways then smoking. I am sure I will hate whatever he has to say. And to think I was so mad at my doctor when I was 3 days clean and he said he wouldn't document that I quit smoking yet. I was so sure I was doing it and I planned on proving it to him all the more- then the next day I smoked. I need to do something different this time. I am just not sure what, except learn how to deal better with my emotions. I guess that is a big "except"! That's it for me in so many ways and in so many aspects of my life. I want to make sure I say thank you for letting us come back after a relapse. YOU ARE VERY SUPPORTIVE AND I WOULD PROBABLY STILL BE SMOKING WITHOUT THIS PROGRAM. I need to walk away from this blog for now. I am sure there is more that I should say but as always I have to walk away for a bit. I am at a loss of words right now and that never happens. Thanks for listening to my blubbering. I really look up to those of you who have quit! It is really hard and sucks and there are no non foul words to use to explain this feeling. I will write more later.  It was time for me to be honest with my friends.

[oli2]

What you wrote is the first step toward getting to where you want to be 🙂

[junipergavalis]

Slip-ups are very common in the process.  You are still determined to quit - and that's a good thing.  At least you didn't say "well, I smoked, there goes that, I guess I'll just keep smoking" - and that is the most important part of all.  If this was an easy process - we wouldn't all be on here sharing our feelings and trying to support one another!  Good luck to you!

[molzep]

Been there, done that. Took me a while to get here, but I did.  Hope it doesn't take you as long.

June 18, 2006 told my doctor I was quit (it had been 6 days) Did the one puff thing 6 days later. back to a pack a day.  Fast forward 3 years.  Now I haven't had one since 11/20/09 - not one! Once you commit that's it.  There are several difficult arguments with yourself, then easier arguments, then easy pushes, then simple reminders.

Commit to N.O.P.E. - fight every craving, then one day you'll be driving to work and think - wow, my feet are no longer icebergs! My circulation is working like it's supposed to!

Stay strong and "just get 'er done"

[miriam4]

You are honest with yourself  too, takes a lot of courage.  Know that you do have it in you to overcome & don't let anyone tell you otherwise!   You are doing the best thing in your life by doing this quit.  The best to you.

[Mary84]

We are all here to help you in any way we can.    You are feeling emotions we all deal with on a day to day basis (smokers and smokers alike).   The difference is smokers have hidden or glossed over their emotions for so long by turning to citgarettes.   It really is a day to day healing process--our brains need to heal and our bodies too.   Life style changes are challenging so don't beat yourself up about it.  It all takes time.   Time to learn new coping skills and I pray that your therapist can give you more tools to use to handle your emotions.    Stay with us--you can do this and no one is here to judge you.  We have all been there done that.    You take very good care of yourself.   You will get where you need to be, I promise.  Be patient, kind, and gentle with yourself.   Love and prayers and big hugs, Mary

[Yaya2.6.10]

Blubber all you want - that is what we are here for. We are also here to urge you to back with the program. The hardest thing for me is the constant self talk and not being able to relax and just be and sounds like that's what you are doing too. It will get better cuz it has for me. Its still a pain in the rear and I'm tired of it, but I'm at the end of 3 weeks and soon you will be there too.

[debbiem2]

Just don't quit trying....ever. One of these days it's going to "take". You just have to be honest with yourself, not us. This is one thing that truly is all about you and you alone. It doesn't matter what other people think at all. It's all about you.

[Sootie]

You don't have to "look up" to anyone. We are ALL here on this journey and sometimes we stumble and fall. Don't stop trying. that is the REAL failure. Just take it one step at a time...I'm not smoking today. And remember---you are not the only one out there...we're all here feeling the same...and we are here for you. 

[onelasttime]

try never could but can always did get a new mind set you are stronger than you are giving yourself credit for. you can defeat this addiction it  will test you time and time again but you have the ability to not give in to the craving. i will be thinking and praying for you. have a great day and stay positive.

[anacondahead]

I know you must feel terrible to have lost the 'clean' time you had accumulated. No you know it's not worth it. But you have quit again and that's what's important. Once you realize what cigs really are and that they do nothing for you, you will win your goal. Have you gone out to quitsmokingonline.com? That opened my eyes and helped a lot.

Don't waste anymore energy with remorse - save it for moving forward with your quit. Tell us about it, we'll listen.

Best wishes to you!

[JonesCarpeDiem]

can i punch you in the arm?

or will just a hug be appropriate?