I just want you to start this off by saying I am using speech to text which means I'm speaking into the microphone and hoping that the words that I say are the words that Google writes down in this blog 😂😂I had quit smoking 6 years ago when I found out I was pregnant and then I started smoking 3 years after I had my child I have quit and started for a couple hours throughout that time today I stopped smoking again I feel like I'm ready I feel like smoking is more of a burden to me now then what are the something that I want to do I guess that's the meaning of addiction you know having to do something that you don't really want to do like I don't ever really want to do it it's a habit is something that I had to do and I say had us past tense because today is a new day and I'm not smoking today so smoking cigarettes for me is past tense I'm not being cocky I don't have an attitude I'm just seeing things how I choose to see them how I choose to believe them I've had a couple of rough patches today but they haven't been like before I'll get like this jump in my chest is like I need to go out right quick before I do this or I need to go out right quick now that I've had a shower and then I remember I don't have to do that I feel freer I do I've been doing like this nicorette pouch today just because I know if I don't it can be a beast for me especially a first day and I know how I am so far they're working good for me I know some people do not agree with them and that's fine I've had them for a couple of years but I've never I haven't used them I used I'm like once here there when I ran out of cigarettes but I don't want my son growing up seeing me smoke I don't like smoking anymore it's gotten to a point where I was just chain smoking it for no reason thank God and Jesus name I don't have to do that anymore that I can choose to not do that and I'm using my choosing power to choose to not smoke cigarettes like I said I'm not saying this to have an attitude I'm not saying this to sound conceited because I'm not doing this and just my power I'm doing this into power Christ Jesus yes I am a Christian yes I believe Jesus is the son of God who came down in the flesh that Jesus is Lord and I let my flesh roar out of control with smoking for so long that it became more of a burden to me than it did a relief I pray that just the smell of cigarette sort of out of cigarettes would make me sick I don't like how the cigarette smell on my hands or my telephone I have to wear a hoodie outside you know so I don't smell like smoke but at least me damp and clammy feeling it messes up my hair and my son will come on I'll be like go back inside for a minute baby he's like what are you doing how am I supposed to explain to my baby I'm doing something that if I ever catch you doing she's going to be in trouble for I don't I don't know what else to say like I'm just saying this like it's a journal I really need some friends you know that that are all right I used to be a heavy drinker I really drink now thank God and Jesus name I haven't been late a drug addict other than pills years ago and I still want to get that high every now and then but it's not worth it it's not worth the road it can take me down and I need to be able to see the same thing for cigarettes then it's not worth the road it can take me down my entire life I smoke like dirty some years thank God in Jesus name I still look young I'm still healthy and whole thank you all for reading this my husband just pulled up I'm waiting for our son's school bus to get here well I'm hoping I'll get a comment back and be able to have a conversation as I stated in the beginning I am using speech to text so I am sure that a lot of the words are spelled incorrectly or might not be the correct words that I stated with my mouth that I spoke with my mouth I'm hoping that a lot of you will understand anyway 😂
