Importance of Relationship!

[smorgy8513]

This concept is so obvious if you read on this site for more than 1 day.     We support each other, we encourage each other.......we even chastise each other if needed.    And all this is done in love and with honesty.    Are there times when someone comes on a bit strong?     Of course, we are human.     And our situations off of this site effect how we hear what is being said and how we respond to what is being said.

I'm not bringing this up to re-hash some of the recent blogs.  

I'm bringing this up as it applies in my life today.

My oldest sister is 15 years older than I am.     In my childhood she was often more of a mother than a sister.   Later she definitely was my "bigger, wiser" sister who would tell me what to do and how to do it.      In the last 15 years of so she has become my friend.      She encourages me and builds me up.     She jumps to my defense when something is not quite right with my kids or friends.      She also occasionally falls back into "I'm the big sister and you will listen to me!"     She has said that, in a joking manner but totally serious.

In the last year as our other sister began to fail Sis and I could support each other in our worries and our fears.

Need to say that Sis and I deal in different ways with our emotions.      I tend to pick up my feelings, put them in a box and set them on a shelf until I can look at them.     Unless I've packed the box too full.....then it explodes and I (OMG NO) show my feelings without the filter I want to keep on.

Sis has had big feelings over our sister's failing and recent death.    She gets angry.      She has told me "don't tell me what to do" when I've made a suggestion.      When I suggested that we all tell our unconscious sister it is ok to leave she said "don't go pulling that therapy thing with me!"      I could give many more examples but you get the idea.     

I have been hurt and when I try to talk she tells me "I can't now....later".

I have found out since that her blood sugar has been extremely high and this may be part of the reason for her explosion of emotions.      

Her medication has been changed and she says she is feeling better.

Today I go to her house and we go through old pictures of our family.              No lack of emotions there, right?

We also are going to talk about the last few months and how our relationship has taken a hit.     

I love Sis and want us to continue the love and relationship that is is healthy for both of us.

She has been there for me through so much (did I tell you I was sitting between her and my future brother in law when he proposed or that when I cried as they were leaving for their honeymoon he suggested that take me along?).      I want whatever years we have together to be healthy and loving.

So, I will go today and hug her, tell her I love her, tell her I'm sorry for my part and HOPE she can tell me the same.     It is hard for her to say "sorry".

Family........can't live with them, can't live without them?         I more believe I can't live without them.

Sharon 355 DOF

[smorgy8513]

[Deena-A-Yenni]

Good blog.  Thanks for sharing.

[elvan]

What a lovely blog.  You may very well be right that the blood sugar messed up her responses...it may also just be that her grief was overwhelming her, not that yours wasn't overwhelming you as well.  Everyone deals with grief differently.  I remember when my father died that I arrived at the airport in Rochester, NY with my daughter, who was 9 at the time.  My two brothers and my two sisters were waiting for me and we huddled together in the airport, sobbing...well, I was sobbing.  I couldn't HELP it and all of them told me how much they "envied" me because I was able to "let it out."  None of them were able to just cry and allow themselves to grieve.  I was smoking back then, so was my older sister but all of my siblings kept their feelings under "control" and I COULDN'T, even with the smoking, sometimes, they just blew out of that box you were talking about. Grief is so personal, every person handles it differently and so many times people feel more than they can express or they are angry...not at the people around them but the person who is dying.  All of those same siblings were with me at our mother's bedside when she was dying 22 years later. The brothers had to leave, they could not stop crying and could not handle watching her die. The sisters all stayed and were with her and we DID tell her to go, that it was alright, that we loved her but that she did not have to hang on.  As soon as the brothers left, she passed.  We think she was waiting for them so she could go without them crying since neither one of them had EVER cried in front of the rest of us. Every one of us handles grief in our own way...none is right, none is wrong and there are no time limits.  Love you and wish you all the peace in the world in dealing with your loss.

Ellen

[moody_9-18-13]

I have such a soft heart these days, my eyes are full of tears after reading your blog. Thank you for sharing your innermost feelings with all of your EX sisters. Love and hugs....

[annb]

Beautiful Sharon. Yes enjoy your Sis today and laugh and hug as much as you can! From one who always wanted siblings, give each other a big hug from me!!! ❤

[marilyn_marmac]

Oh Sharon, you are such a sweet, loving woman. You are special and important to me. It is true, each of us handle our emotions in a different way, especially when it comes to the death of a loved one. Some hold it inside and keep a tight lid on it while others act out the sadness, shock, anger, and fear. And right now, I'm sure that both of you are experiencing the fear of losing each other on top of dealing with the loss of your other sister ♥

Sometimes, people think the person, that is not crying, does not have the same level of pain as the person crying. It's usually just the opposite. The one holding the pain inside may actually be experiencing more pain because they haven't managed to release it. Shedding tears, screaming, cursing, acting out...it all helps. Even if it's in private, it helps to let it out. Either way, each person grieves in their own way and the recovery time differs from person to person. It's hard, but try to remember that her anger at this time is not truly aimed at you. Everything you have written tells me that you both have great love for each other. Go to her. Tell her you love her. Tell her your pain and fears. Hold each other and let the sorrow of your loss pour out. She may not be able to to apologize, but you already know, in her heart, she is only dealing with her loss in love in a different way.

The Five Stages of Grief (SARAH) - Shock, Anger, Rejection, Acceptance, Healing

My prayers go with you,

Marilyn

[YoungAtHeart]

Not having parents or any siblings around, I envy the ups (yes and the downs) of having family around.  Life is too short not to heal this rift.  I pray your sister is ready.

Nancy

[freeneasy]

You are lucky to have each other. I have one sibling, a sister one year younger than me. We were never that close when we were younger and have had several spats though the years but we know we can always count on each other.

[Giulia]

And the journey will continue.....  I'd print out a copy of this blog and leave it with her.  Well, I don't know that I'd have the guts to, but I like proposing the idea to YOU!   May you grow closer through this meeting.

[jeanne-8-4-13]

I envey you Sharon, at least you have a realationship with her. I have one sibling, a sistr who is 8 years older. She was always mean to me. I asked my mother, when I was a child, why she hated me, but she said she didn't know.

   My sister lives in North Carolina and I live in Ohio. She moved back to Ohio about three years ago, I tried to help her financially, but it was never enough. She left for North Carolina in the middle of the night without even calling me. This weighs heavy on my heart. I am telling you this so you know, if you feel love for her let her know. I am sure she will tell you she feels the same.

  I always feel bad when I see two sisters out shopping or just being together, I always felt like I missed out on something great. Your sister is dealing with her grief differently, and high blood pressure sure isn't helping. May God take care of you both and bring you closer together.

                         Hugs and much love

                        Jeanne

[gr8_start]

Thanks for sharing!!

[Strudel]

Sharon - Bless you for recognizing that her blood sugar was very likely a cause for some of the comments. I love your idea of going there and saying you love her and having a fresh start. 

Please - Take care dear Sharon! 

[cheyenne7]

You are such a beautiful person Sharon.....I know your sister feels very blessed to have you for her sister......I'm glad you have each other.....keep holding each other closely ❤️

[lindan_7-14-10]

 ♥♥♥