I let my ex familydown and most of all myself

[cookie804]

I am so mad at myself that I can't see straight. I was out in the car the other day with a cell phone that needed charging and my PTSD hit me and I could hardly see straight. Before I knew it, I was smoking a cigarette. This time of the year is so hard for me that I don't think straight. For those who do not know, between Thanksgiving and January 8th, my daughter was murdered, my brother who was my best friend died, and I found my mother and father dead. I know that it is no excuse and I hate myself. This happened 2 days ago. That is why I have not been on our site because I was ashamed. I am on my quit this afternoon once again. 145 days down the drain. God help me.

God bless

Carolyn

[annb]

((((Carolyn))))

[Chermcclane13]

Forgive yourself dear one. Hating yourself gets you nowhere. And you did not Lose the 145 days, you know you can do it again. It is just a slip. I do not know a single soul who has gone through what you have. Stop beating yourself up is the first step to heal. Love yourself through it. What would you tell your friend it this happened to them. Hugs, Cher

[YoungAtHeart]

Oh, Carolyn, I am SO sorry!  I am very glad you are back on track, though.  Please figure out what you will do this time if the same circumstance presents itself to you.  Have a plan - don't let it surprise you!

I am sending you a big, old bear hug - don't keep beating yourself up.  Just march on!

[Brenda_M]

Carolyn, I am SO SORRY to read this. Yes, get back on the wagon straightaway. We are here for you.

[constanceclum]

Oh Carolyn I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad. Only someone that has gone through what you have can possibly understand. You did not lose 145 days. All of the tools you gained, you still have and you jumped back on the horse. Relapse is a part of our disease so please stay with us and don't smoke.

[lindan_7-14-10]

praying for you, Carolyn♥

[JonesCarpeDiem]

onboard and upward

[swilson2]

Carolyn, i am so so sorry

[MarilynH]

I'm so sorry that you slipped it can happen to me or anyone of us .You start your quit clock again ,dust yourself off and away you go with a new quit. No more beating yourself up I'd say you've already done enough of that. Get back on the bandwagon with all of us  we are here for you. 

Marilyn 

[savedbygrace2]

I am soo sorry honey!!!! I am praying peace for you!   ((((HUG!))))))

[kshields59]

I am really sorry for all you have gone thru. I know how you feel with death in the family. It's been a yr. this month that my sister committed suicide, I will never know why. I will put you in my prayers. Remember, don't beat yourself up for what you did. I have been there too, I am sure a few of us have if not more. Pick yourself up, and start again, we are all here for you. Have you ever had the thought to sit down, with a pen and paper, to write a letter starting; Dear Cigarettes; write what you think about them, the dangers they have in them, what they do to us and so on. It's what I did, Afterwards put it away, and when or if the crave comes, get out the letter and read it out loud. May sound Corney, but it worked for me. (((((((((BIG HUGS AND PRAYERS))))))))))))

[Magstoyou]

Oh Carolyn so sorry

(((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))

Mag501DOF

[Legend]

Just get back up take a deep breath and start over. You should be proud that you did not run away forever from this place. You came back and you said the words that you smoked a cigarette. You owned up to what you did and you did not try to make up some cute word for smoking to make it all seem not so bad like oops you had a little slip. I think people should just say what happened and then fix the problem and that is what you are doing. We are all relearning life without smoking and most of us learn from our mistakes. I’m sorry to hear of all the family members that have passed away in your life. We all do care about you so come here when you need help anytime.   

[JRC]

Carolyn, so glad you came right back! As Legend said, "We all do care about you".

[rosemarymom]

You can do it again and be stronger for it.  We are all pulling for you

[froguelady]

I am sorry but will support as you quit, this time forever.  Make a plan for the next time craving hits strong and PLEASE do not have cigarettes where they are easy to get. 

[sparky26]

Err I had been thinking of you , I knew this was a hard time for you , I should have checked on you . Wish you would of come to the site before you fired up . But...don't hate yourself , just take a deep breath and start again . 

Love , Donna 

[Deena-A-Yenni]

Dern.  It's almost as if the quit was dwelling.  I'm glad the slip is over with and you are back on track.

[Barbara145]

I believe you stopped NRT's too soon.  I knew it when you said you were stopping them.  I have been on this site for over a year and I have seen it over and over again.  I saw a psychologist last week because I AM STILL USING THE GUM.  She said she saw nothing wrong with it.  She said it has only been a year and you smoked for 52 years.  That is 3 MD's and a psychologist who said "Use them as long as it takes. " If you were still using NRT''s I don't think you would have smoked.  That said, I am truly sorry you lost your quit.  You have worked so hard.  I am praying for you.   Barbara

[Newfound_Joy]

Carolyn, my heart goes out to you.  I relapsed at 83 days and hated myself for it.  No one could beat me up more than I did to myself.  Love yourself through these rough days ahead.  Picture yourself building a memorial stone after you have conquered a very hard day. (Or actually set up a stone on your property) Then the next day you can look back at your memorial stone, and what it means to you, and you go forward again just one more day.

After I relapsed that last time, I told myself "I WILL NEVER DO ANOTHER DAY ONE." because they suck and I hate feeling bad about myself.

I am so very happy you jumped right back in.  That's what I did also.  The very next day, I made my confession and was back in the saddle at the EX World.

We love you and want you to succeed!!  And we know that you CAN!!

xoxo