I appreciated Sickofit-Nancy's comments about fixating on a smoke that was good. I totally do that almost every day. I fixate on the times I LOVED having a smoke and it gets so intense I don't feel like I will ever be happy again. Holy cow! The comments on my post also brought be back a little to all the things I HATED about smoking. All the reasons that I hated every time I smoked, every time I spent money on them, and every time I organized my day around a smoke. So lame and pointless! You know the amazing thing is that the health threats from smoking were never a driving factor in why I wanted to quit. Never a real reason I wanted to stop. It really was the fact that the addiction had me convinced I enjoyed it and that I would miss it and never be the same if I quit. That is just simply the truth of how my mind worked. If I don't smoke I won't be happy. Period. Simple. End of story. That's how I tought. That's how I viewed my future. Man how messed up is that? Well Nancy's comment on my post really helped me think about why I wanted to quit. No, that one great smoke is not worth everything else. Those times I enjoy smoking is not worth everything else that comes along with it. Never will be and never was. And if I keep thinking about that one time I will want that one time and if I give in to that one time I will have to deal with all the rest. I am learning day by day that all the rest are in no way worth that one. One great $ is not worth time in jail, one more great drink is not worth killing someone driving home, one more great hour of sleep is not worth losing my job, one more great cookie is not worth developing diabetes, one more great smoke is not worth anything - much less death.
