Today is 3 days since I quit or the start of day 4.
When I had my last night of smoking, I journaled about it in a note on my phone as a way to try to remember the lies nicotine addiction tells me.
I was very anxious about quitting all week leading up to my date—and feeling kind of sad that I was going to have to quit—even though it is something I have wanted for a long time.
I found that the anticipation of the cigarette and the excitement of driving to the store and knowing I would be able to smoke soon felt good and made me look forward to smoking. But when I was actually smoking the cigarettes didn’t taste good and felt harsh and I was kind of bored while I was smoking and already thinking about the next cigarette while I was smoking the first. I have romanticized before that these nights hanging out with my husband and talking and smoking cigarettes but I could feel clearly how lame this activity was. Maybe sometimes the conversation/connection is good, but it’s obviously possible to have a good conversation without a cigarette. Plus it was freezing outside!
The next morning I woke up with a slight headache and slight cough and gross taste in my mouth & just didn’t feel good.
I’ve been through this cycle of craving, anticipation, excitement, let down and remorse so many times. I hope I can learn to be honest with myself and truly remember what it is like so I do not have to keep repeating this cycle.
