The holidays are over; the year is new, and those of us who work are back at it. I'm so lucky to have a good job to go to and I am adapting to the commute. I've never been a morning person, but I don't seem to have a problem getting up and out of here by 6:30 a.m. and unless there's an accident I can make it there in a little over an hour. Of course, last week when there wasn't any traffic I made it there in 30 minutes. I can handle this.
I'm working very hard to get and keep things organized at my new workplace so that I don't make the kinds of mistakes I seem to be prone to when I'm mega-multi-tasking. I can see that I start getting a little brain mushy so I write down everything, check off everything and attempt to double check everything. I did send a modification that was supposed to be signed to someone and she responded that it wasn't signed. I sent the wrong document, and realized I had filed the right one in the wrong electronic folder. Those mistakes bother me, but I am doing my best to be diligent, aware and organized.
Wow am I glad I don't go outside to smoke anymore. I was looking at the Nanook of the North Coat with the fur hood I got for the days when I stood outside to smoke no matter what the weather or the temperature was. I can't imagine when I will need that coat except if I have to walk to the grocery store in a blizzard, so I'm holding on to it. But it reminds me how much better my life is without having to plan that way, to buy an expensive coat just to be able to withstand the weather because I HAD to smoke in it. It's cold here for sure, but my regular winter coat does just fine.
I checked and realized I had an appoinment with the pulmonologist on January 28, and knew I needed to see him sooner than that, so the appointment is now on Wednesday. I am having more and more trouble breathing, and I haven't had a puff of a cigarette for one year and three days, and I haven't put on any more weight. I want him to order tests to determine what's going on, and to do another spirometric test. My sister is being put on 24/7 oxygen because of her interstitial fibrosis and I have more breathing problems than she has. Just walking to my car from my office leaves me panting. So I'm going to get serious with the doctor and tell him I need a workup. I'll keep you all posted.
I was out shopping with both of my daughters on Saturday and was having trouble breathing. Katy kept asking me if I was okay, and she said she felt like she should get me a wheelchair. I said I would be fine, but when she asked if I was sure there was nothing she could do I started to cry and said what you can do is quit smoking now so you don't end up like me. It was a very sobering moment. Of course, neither of my daughter's dropped their packs but I know it has to be getting to them. I'm only 67 years old (in a couple of weeks) and I shouldn't have such trouble. But I smoked for 53 years and while being quit for a year I have to accept that there are consequences from my choices over those years. I just have to face them with grace (and when I think about doing that I always think about Ellen, who is my role model and hero.) Special thanks to Ellen, who has demonstrated for me in so many ways how to be a gracious quitter in every situation, no matter how challenging.
I'm actually up too late for someone who has to be up at 5:15 a.m. so I'm going to sign off with love to all of you and a wish for you all to have sweet dreams!
