Celebrating 86 DAYS smoke-free today!! So proud of myself. Has it been easy? No, however, for the most part, not near as difficult this time as all the times before. I had tried numerous times through the years to give up this filthy disgusting smokiing habit. I tried various filters to cut the amount of nicotine, quit cold turkey (several times), reduced the number of cigs each day over a designated time period (several times) before quit date, read books/pamphlets/etc attempting to scare myself into quitting, spent lots of $'s on an ecig unit w/batteries\juice, and listened to my husband complain, which should have been incentive enough so I didn't have to hear the broken-record lecture! I stopped smoking in our home back in the mid 80's, and became a garage or outdoor smoker. I also stopped smoking in my car if he was riding or driving with me. I never smoked in any of his vehicles. I did quit many times, but could never get past the 8-week mark. In 2005, my husband didn't know I had started smoking again - for 10 months. I was so good at making sure I stood in the wind to blow the smoke away from my clothes/hair or sprayed myself enough, he didn't smell. Oh, also had to make sure while I was sneaking the lighter, cig, spray cannister into my pocket that I didn't forget the breath mints! I think back to the times we would have an evening out, and I would be outside after dinner or before a movie to smoke, looking ridiculous standing in the cold or drizzle. Geez Louise!! I'm sure many of you can relate.
What finally made me quit "cold turkey"? I got pissed!! Madder than I've ever been w/myself. I'd cut back to no more than 1/2 pack per day, and had done for several years. Many days, it was only 5-8 cigs. Rarely did I ever smoke more than 10. Let's face it, it's really tough to smoke any more than that w/all the restrictions in place. I didn't smoke at my work place, had to go outside, didn't smoke in my car if the husbster/grandkids/mother-in-law/brother or anyone who was a non-smoker was w/me, typicaly only had couple cigs in evening after getting home from work, with fixing dinner, and doing whatever personal needs to get ready for next day, not much time left for smoking. But the "few" cigs I was having each day were choking me. It was difficult to smoke and talk. I developed a deep croupy cough, which I'd never had before. My allergies were flaring up more. The last week I did smoke found me struggling every day w/coughing, sinus issues, couldn't breathe, etc. Made appt w/doc, who put me on meds to clear up sinus infection, ordered chest x-ray, and reminded me "this will only continue to get worse if you don't give up the cigarettes". Which proudly I let her know at that point, I hadn't smoke for 4 days. Proudly, I can say I haven't smoked now for 86 days!!
What's kept me from picking one up again? I remember that last day of smoking, It would have been so pathetic if it had been recorded. I'd just gotten home from work. I wouldn't smoke in my new car, so had to wait on lighting up. I couldn't breathe, and I'm trying to take a drag on 1/2 of a cig I'd tried to smoke that morning. I'm standing out in the garage w/the door up to let the smoke out (to mnimize what my hubby would smell when he got home), coughing my head off, and shivering because it was so cold (and I was running a fever from the sinus infection). Over the next few days before I got into the doctor, I was so sick, couldn't keep any food or liquids down, so weak, getting off the couch was a major effort. During this time frame, I realized the cigarettes were not my "best friend" as I'd thought all these years. It's one of the things I always thought about, how would I make it through my joys, hurts, sorrows, happiness, disappointments, etc. without cigs. How would I cope without them? The cigs were always there for me regardless if I was laughing or crying! It finally came to me, cigs weren't my best friend. If they were, they wouldn't hurt me. Hell, they were going to kill me! I'd also had several incidents w/family in this past 1-1/2 yrs that I'd had no control over how these events played out. I realized smoking was something I do have control over. So, w/getting mad at myself, realizing I do have control over certain areas of my life, and getting a clean x-ray reading (I know I'm not out of the woods on this-issues can still arise), I've made the decision to continue to remain smoke free. Have I had my moments of craving? Certainly. Changing how I viewed what cigs are to me, has helped w/my success thus far.
Hadn't planned to key this much about my situation, but hope it helps someone who is struggling w/their decision to quit or helps someone who's still in the early days, to know you can go beyond today and remain smoke free.
Hope it's a sunny Sunday wherever you are!!
Kandi
