As John suggested, I am going to use this topic to "tell my story" and keep it up. Feel free to comment. Or not.
I do have to say that I had just written a really long blog (taking time periodically to check my work email since I'm working at home today) and when I went to post it I got an error message that I had timed out, and everything I wrote disappeared! OH NO. Here goes again. I will make sure to copy what I write so I can paste it if the site times out. For anyone who wants to write a long blog, take my advice -- copy it before you go to post it so that you don't lose what you've written.
I am struck by how similar my feelings about this diet are to the feelings I experienced in the early days of my quit. I am proud of myself for recognizing that I can improve my breathing by losing this weight. I'm proud of myself for wanting to make it easier for my lungs to work. I was surprised after my quit that I was having so much trouble breathing, and thought I must have pretty serious COPD. I went to the pulmonologist on February 9th and got the great news that I have really good lung function, at 90%+. So that isn't the reason that I'm having trouble breathing. I didn't have to get hit in the head to realize that my lungs are probably deeply grateful for no more smoking, but are still having trouble servicing this 210 pound, out of shape, 66 year old body.
I spent the next several weeks researching the types of weight loss I could commit to. I looked at Beyond Diet, which I am sure is very healthy, but requires shopping at specialty stores and cooking. I am not a cook. Seriously. My kids thought that a home cooked meal was fish sticks and macaroni and cheese out of a box. So although the principles of Beyond Diet will come in handy when I'm back to regular eating (eat very little processed food, read every label, eat organic vegetables, etc), but not for the disciplined following of a program for weight loss. I also looked at Weight Watchers, but I'm -- again -- not so disciplined to count those points, or calories, or whatever. I did the Medifast program very successfully in 1987, and I like the idea of having my meals close at hand and that they are easily transportable. The 1 "lean and green" meal I prepare for myself is a small serving of lean meat and a choice of vegetables. Easy. I don’t intend to do my entire 60 pound weight loss on this diet, but after about 3 months or so I will have lost a good part of it, my craves for carbs and fats will be gone, and portion control won’t be a problem. I think that works out best all around.
This is the first time I have ever tried to lose weight not because I want to be a size 4, but because it will make me healthier. In addition to the problems I've been having with breathing, my joints are giving me real problems – they’re stiff and painful, and not appropriate for someone my age who is in good health. In order for my joints to get relief, I need to move more. I never moved because I was smoking (sitting somewhere saying "yeah, I'll do (Fill in the Blank) after I smoke this cigarette." In addition, my breathing deteriorated so I moved even less. I’ve always hated exercise (yes, I’ve joined gyms and never gone) and I have a very sedentary job. So I pretty much came to a standstill. No wonder my joints hurt!!
I have always struggled with my weight. In the summer between 6th and 7th grade I weighed 129 pounds. In my adult life I’ve been everything from a size 4 to a size 20. In my late 50’s I decided I was done with dieting. I was fine the way I was. My weight stabilized at about 190 (size 16) and I was fine with that. So for nine years I ate pretty much what I wanted, stayed the same weight, and didn’t have a problem. At the age of 66 I’m not terribly vain, and I felt fine about my weight. But this isn’t a question of vanity – it’s a question of health. And the older I get the more I understand the value of maintaining good health (I’m a slow learner.)
Getting back to how starting this diet is like my early days in my quit – I am also feeling cravings, and I know that they are just feelings that will pass. I realize that gluttony is a poor reward for anything (and eating two Heath Bar Klondikes at a sitting is gluttony, pure and simple). So I am quitting cold turkey. I find myself second guessing myself – “Do I really need to do this?” “This is hard on top of my quit.” “Don’t I deserve to enjoy SOMETHING?” But that is just the self-degrading self-talk that some of us have had to deal with in our lives. Am I starving? No. Are these hunger pangs going to kill me? No. Is it hard? Sometimes. Learning to laugh at my smoking addict’s brain is helping me deal with these doubts. I know I can do this as well as quitting smoking. I know that in 6 months I am going to be enjoying this summer as a smoke free much healthier person.
So this is my story. Thanks for listening!
