I'm 59 minutes into day 3! Yesterday was pretty good, close to the same as day one, with a little more energy. Cravings haven't been too bad, 99% are related to triggers. I'll do something, and my brain will instantly tell me that I'm supposed to be wanting a cigerette, i'll tell my brain, "No, I don't want a cigerette" and the twitch of a craving goes as quickly as it came. Aside from wanting to sleep ALOT, which I figure is from boredom as I adjust to a smokeless routine. Amazing how much time I spent smoking, I have SO much time in my day where I'm just like, "duh, what do I do now." But it's been pretty good.
This morning was probably the worst of it, so far. I woke up fine, even after tossing and turning and only ending up with a few hours of sleep. Haven't even went nuts trying to drink coffee in the morning without a cigerette. Today is hubbys pay day though! I got ready to drive him to work, drove the 30 minute drive, no problem. Parked the car and my brain went, "light a cigerette" As that twitch faded away, my husband got out of the car, and I drove towards the bank to withdrawel 50 dollars that we owed a friend. That's when it really started eating at me.
You see, typically I smoked roll your own cigerettes, which can be a pain. On pay day I "treated" myself with a real pack of smokes. The roll your own stuff laying around the house for the other smokers hasn't bothered me at all, but the morning I would typically get my real pack was nibbling into my thoughts. By the time I got to the bank I had finally gotten the almost insane thoughts of buying a pack of cigerettes to the point where it wasn't completely a forgotten thought, but one I knew I didn't want to follow through on. So I withdrawel the 50$ we owe.
And that darn ATM only gives 20's, so there I sit with no option but to withdrawel $60. Well, there's one real easy way to break that $20 so I can pay the $50 when our friend shows up at our door later today. There it came, just as strong as before. The desire to buy that pack of cigerettes that made my Thursdays so appealing. I sat in the drive through ATM a few minutes as I wresteled with this horrendous thought process.
Finally, I had to leave. I had to pull out onto the road. I had to chose what direction to go. I turned towards home, unsure how to break the 20$ that needed broken. I drove by the first gas station, a second gas station. 4 gas stations later, I did, what any person mere minutes from their 3rd day of quitting smoking would do.
I pulled into walmart, went through the clearance racks, and bought myself a new outfit. Something I haven't been able to afford to do in years.
The cravings are still nagging their way in and out of my head, but every time I look down at these new clothes, I know I wouldn't have them if I had chose to smoke again.
Now, to just keep reminding myself, " I DO NOT WANT TO SMOKE!"
