Hi, I am doing ok, there are times when I feel as if the world has ended and others where its ok, I know it needs time, with all this technology hasn't anyone invented the fast forward button for real life.
Yesterday was the 40th day memorial for my husband, we had a luncheon and over 80 people were invited.
Friends and family, mostly family, its the custom here.
Thursday we went to the gravesite, the stone had been laid, it's in farsi, I was asked if I wanted it in english, but I thought farsi would be better, then everyone could read it, and I don't think I will be going back there very much.
Jan 14th was my 36th wedding anniversary, the day past quickly almost as usuall.
My mom's birthday was the 16th, she turned 91, a friend of mine and my niece went to see her, and she got a new teddy bear. It felt good that they did that for me. They removed my mom from hospice because she is doing better, a few months after I returned home they did it, I don't get it, she is on a feeding tube and sleeps most of the time. I hope that I can see her again before she dies.
I guess I am doing alright, a friend of mine told me she thinks I am doing great, she said that she couldn't cope if it were her, I underdstand a lot of people would think that, but when it happens, you find a way to cope, the others that need you, or things to be done, I had to stay sane.
It also helped coming here and getting support from those I have been here with for more than a year and even those who are new.
This is a great place to come to when you need a virtual hug and a pat on the back. I was so lucky to find it.
I did think about smoking, only because of the stress and also being around my husband's nephew, he smokes and I kept remembering how I felt calm during a smoke, then the smoke curled into my nose and I started choking on it, that memory wasn't so great anymore.
I am not smoking and just trying to cope with my husband's empty place.
thanks all xoxox,
