I just can’t take it anymore I must, have to, smoke a cigarette. My reason(s):
It calms me down
It gives me energy
It makes my problems go away
It relieves my stress
It takes away my boredom
It relaxes me
It shields me from others
It hides my insecurities
It’s a smokescreen for all life’s problems
It will help me think
It will help me decide
It covers my depression
It makes me sociable
It isolates me
It keeps me from being lonely
It helps my nerves
It helps me concentrate
It gives me confidence
It gives me courage
It takes away my shyness.
It’s seemingly the only thing I have control over.
Most importantly, my need/want/desire for a smoke is different from anybody elses. You just don’t understand, I’m different, I have to.
Cigarettes do all this for me. So despite having “quit†I must/have to smoke.
I get the strongest cigarette I can find. First I have to hand over my hard earned money, it’s not cheap to have all these things.
I put the cigarette up to my mouth and open my lips. That helps with developing a “smoker’s face.†The paper is dry and sticks to my lip. I find a lighter and use my thumb to rake across the rough wheel and it lights. I hold the flame to the end of the cigarette and suck in. My God, it’s like the ‘zzzzzztttt’ from a small electrical shock in my brain; I’m immediately dizzy, nauseous, sick. My body and muscles become rigid and stiff as it tries to reject this poison being fed to it. I feel a slight buzz but nothing that is good or fun and I know it will last only a few seconds. My mouth is dry & hot and my chest tightens All I can think is that I need some water and that my mouth tastes like I have licked an ashtray. The smoke drifts up into my nose and eyes and burns them both. Smoke swirls around my clothes, skin and hair and attaches itself causing me to smell like a cross between severe body odor and manure.
I think of words I read from Allen Carr:
THE NICOTINE CONTENT OF JUST ONE CIGARETTE INJECTED DIRECTLY INTO A VEIN WOULD KILL YOU.
I suppose I need to take another puff, that’s what you do with these things. I puff some more
Thinking of some of the contents in this thing:
Acetone(nail polish remover) Nitrosamines
Ammonia(floor/toilet cleaner) Crysenes
Arsenic(poison) Cadmium
Butane(cigarette lighter fluid) Benzo(a)pyrene
DDT/Dieldrin(insecticides) Nickel
Formaldehyde(perservative-body tissue & fabric) Aluminium
Hydrogen Cyanide(gas chamber poison) Lead
Methane(swamp gas) Copper
Naphthalene(mothballs) Titanium
Nicotine(insecticide/addictive drug) Silicon
Nitrous Oxide Phenois(disinfectant) Mercury
Stearic Acid(candle wax) Urethane
