Slipping off the quit

[ash2lar]

I'm struggling right now. I quit cigarettes in 2016, almost 5 years. But for the last couple of months, due to boredom, not socializing, stress, pain- my spouse who still smokes cigars likes to have a glass of wine before dinner.

I have to admit, I've taken a puff or 2 off his cigar. I realize I'm battling 2 demons right now, since I know the wine is my biggest trigger to smoke. We have been isolated since spouse is immune compromised.

I am schedule for a total hip surgery next month. I have to find a way to ignore him and do something else instead of drink wine.

Some tactics to ignore a spouse that smokes would be greatly appreciated right now.

[Bonnie]

Oh no, I am so glad you posted! Please don't lose your quit! A few puffs will set you up for a complete relapse & trigger those neurotransmitters in your brain! I don't have a spouse but just recently quit drinking wine & bought some replacement beverages to sip when the sun goes down as I like the "ritual" of a "cocktail". A friend turned me onto "bai" beverages that are healthy & come in all sorts of yummy flavors and I also like the stevia ginger ale & ginger rootbeer. Just a suggestion. When I was spending a lot of time with my best friend who smokes I was really tempted and ended up cutting a plastic straw the length of a cig and sucking on that while we drank our coffee and she smoked. It worked for me. Please no more puffs on his! If the smell is too much and breathing his secondhand smoke triggers you, leave the room, maybe take a bath or shower; that has helped me..establish a new ritual for yourself at that time of day..don't lose your beautiful quit!!! Believe me I've done it myself after about the same amount of time and it took me FORTY years before I could stay smokeless for three...NOPEA!!! NOT ONE PUFF EVER AGAIN!!!

[ash2lar]

The BAI's are a great suggestion. I'll get some! Thank you for the suggestions. It's nice to know I haven't been alone during this pandemic. I'm just going to have to make myself scarce when he's smoking and drinking. I just feel really tested right now. I have no family close by either, hence the move back to Colorado is in our future.

[DavesTime]

"Boredom, not socializing, stress, pain, [seeing others smoking]"--yes, this past year has been challenging, even for those of us who have been quit for quite awhile. Around June or July of last summer the stress and emotional toll of our Covid era built up so much that I almost threw away my quit.  I came very, very close. I am so glad and thankfuI didn't give in to my triggers and start smoking again.  You have a wonderful quit, and I'm sure you are the envy of newbies who are just beginning their journey to freedom. You DON'T want to go back to square one. My wife has never smoked, so I can't offer any pointers about that. Just be very careful not to ingest any more nicotine (we both know where that will likely lead).  And best wishes to you on your upcoming surgery!

[YoungAtHeart]

NO MORE PUFFS!  If you need one when you drink wine in his company while he is smoking - don't be around him and don't drink wine.   I think you know what to do, but also know it's hard to be disciplined right now.

Do you REMEMBER what Day One was like?  Think hard!  It was pretty awful.  Try to keep that experience uppermost in your mind.  Maybe when he is drinking and smoking you can find something else to do?  Maybe go for a walk, or in a different spot, march in place, swinging your arms.  Or call a friend, or take a soak in the tub, or.......

If he is smoking inside, ask him to please go outside.  The weather is getting nicer and it should not be a problem.  When he is finished smoking, join him with a non-alcoholic drink.

This quit is too precious to lose.  It's totally within your control if you do or not.  Choose wisely!

[ash2lar]

My diversions are limited at the moment. My balance is terrible due to spinal stenosis which needs surgery, but first I have to have a hip replacement for my damaged hip. So taking walks is out of the question on the uneven roads where I live. My surgery is scheduled for April 5th.

I know what I need to do. I've been in a painful place as I can't sleep due to the pain. I'm just looking for some support during this stressful time. My husband wants to go back to Colorado soon as well, so I have another out of state move in my near future as well...

[YoungAtHeart]

ash2lar 

You ARE dealing with a lot - but keep in mind that your surgeon might very well not replace the hip if you are smoking.  Being a nonsmoker has been a requirement for surgery for awhile now....so there is that, too!

This IS going to get better soon.  Just hang in there a bit longer - and it WILL!

Sending a hug so you know you are cared about!

Nancy

[Cousin-Itt]

  I found 2 things that have helped me tremendously both to quit stay quit and during this pandemic lock down.  

I play a lot of music from my younger years as I can get lost in it remembering fond memories.  The 2cd thing is I always wanted to play a instrument so I taught myself the harmonica   Something different to think about

Wishing you the best on your surgery

[JACKIE1-25-15]

/blogs/Mandolinrain-blog/2018/09/21/dealing-with-mate-friends-that-still-smoke?sr=search&searchId=55... 

[Barbscloud]

Glad you came to the Ex instead of smoking.  It's nice to know (and it does happen to many) that there is a place to go to keep us on track.  Some of those mini cigars got me smoking again early in a previous quit.   Resurrect the tools you used to quit.

Stay strong.

Barb