Sincerely-terrified

[Adoiskitty]

I quit 14 hours ago, after the birth of my nephew. I have had substance use dependencies on alcohol and drugs and even an eating disorder. I am in recovery from those 4 years and my juul was my last vice. I relate my juul back to alot of past traumatic events and it continues to remind me of who I was. It has become very apparent that smoking no longer aligns with my sense of self. Today I quit. I am terrified anyone else? 

[MarilynH]

Welcome to the community @Adoiskitty Congratulations on the birth of your nephew and a super congratulations on your 4 years of recovery on alcohol, drugs and eating disorder that's awesome! Please read everything you can there's a wealth of information right here on this site to strengthen your resolve to kick the nicotine poison to the curb permanently it's definitely NOT easy BUT it's absolutely doable AND totally worth it to be Free! I'm so glad that you are quitting juul today stay close and reach out whenever you need to or just want to vent we're all here to help you in any way we can, you've got this! believe it! 

[Giulia]

Someone will respond to your terror in a way I can't.  In the meantime, before they show up - first of all I have utmost admiration for those, like you, who have conquered multiple addictions.   You say Juul was your last vice and " it continues to remind me of who I was."  But there is always terror when becoming our new selves, no?  You've been here before, kinda.  No?  You've already changed who you "were" several times.  Seems to me.  This is just another "molting" process.  Shedding of the old skin, discovering the new one.  (I'm relating this to nature and it's creatures - caterpillars transform to become moths or butterflies; snakes shed their skins several times to grow; spiders and efts can regenerate limbs....)   It's a difficult process - at least for us humans.  We have to "think" about it and come to grips with the change.  The creatures don't think about it, they just do it and adapt to their new forms.  

If Juul is reminding you of past traumatic events and it doesn't align with your new sense of self...  it wonderful that you've released it too.  What do you fear?  You've already molted so many times - this will just be the last molting?  And then - wow - the beautiful raw "you" will be the only thing left.  Don't fear that.  You're fine.  Just the way you are.

I post a wrote a while back may help.  Or not.  Take what works and leave what doesn't.  https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/t5/Support/It-s-Gonna-Be-Okay/m-p/1153792

[CommunityAdmin]

Welcome @Adoiskitty! We're glad you're here and happy to support you in your decision to quit smoking.

Todd

[Barbscloud]

@Adoiskitty Welcome to the Ex and congrats on your first day won.  You need to be congratulated for overcoming multiple addictions.  That is no easy feat.  

 Anxiety about quitting is normal. Many describe it as losing their best friend.  We've vaped/smoked our way through every event and emotion, so it's only normal that were apprehensive.  I'm sure you're well aware that approaching your quit one day at a time can help to alleviate the fear. Don't think about forever right now. You'll see those one days will turn into multiple days.

 Learning  about nicotine addiction and putting a plan in place with how you'll deal with cravings, identifying your triggers and creating the new associations you'll create instead of smoking will contribute to your success.

And you just found an amazing group of quitters that are here to support you on this journey to becoming an Ex. There will be ups and downs, but that is part of the journey. We're here for you, so just reach out anytime we can help or want to share your experience.

This link has great information to help maintain your quit. https://www.becomeanex.org/guides/?cid=footer_community_linktobex

Congrats on your new nephew and a new beginning.

Stay busy and stay close.
Barb

[maryfreecig]

I've made a lot of bad and stupid decisions in my life, especially in my younger years (surprise, surprise!!!). And like most if not everyone, I have scars perhaps not of my own making. When I quit at age 54 almost a decade ago, I didn't feel quite worthy--it was all the ways I'd failed myself and others that discouraged me--how was I to know if I really meant business?

Not sure that I felt terrified, but I did feel like something enormous was happening of which I was not qualified to handle. Early on I came across a quote that meant a lot to me: "In life we are not always afforded the luxury of being fully prepared for the obstacles we face--confronting the unknown is how we grow." 

Looking back to 2013, it turns out that all was as it should be when I quit--and it also turns out that I'm a work in progress so the journey and adventure continue. Being totally resolved is just not human nature, but I'm at home in my quit today. 9.75 years ago? I was convinced that I was too old to be going into uncharted territory, that I could not survive it.

You can carve out the quit you are searching for one step, one day at a time. 

[biscuit9]

I encourage you, to let this addiction go, as well.  It has taken enough of you and you have leaned on this "crutch" long enough.  It is time and you will grow in this journey.  Nicotine is a taker and it does not give back.  Ingesting nicotine is a form of self-harm, actually.  You don't need it, you never did.  Your health is more important than this "device" that continually LIES to you.  Sounds like this nephew represents a "new birth" for you, as well.  Wishing you all the best.  quit day 280

[Tamzz72]

I'm right here with you on most of what you said. I was also a drug addict for 22 years on opiates (pain pills). Well I have been clean for 9 years now and what I'm afraid of is actually quitting smoking. I use cigarettes for everything. While I'm on the phone, while I'm driving, after I eat, first thing in the morning, when I'm stressed I mean everything and I do realize that not many people like change and I have been smoking since I was 14 and I'm 51 now so hell yes I'm scared to death. Pray for me that I can do this I don't want to fail myself that's another fear. God luck to you and your super awesome for getting clean always know that and always be proud of yourself. 

[Barbscloud]

@Tamzz72 Welcome to the Ex and congrats on your decision.  Prepare for your quit by reading material on the site.  Learn about nicotine addiction, tools to use and dealing with cravings.  This link is a great place to start.

https://www.becomeanex.org/guides/?cid=footer_community_linktobex

Consider posting to My Journal/Blog to introduce yourself to the community and receive some well deserved support.

Barb

[Barbscloud]

@Adoiskitty Thinking about you.  How is your quit going?  Remember we're here to support you on your journey.

Barb