cancel
Showing results for 
Show  only  | Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Give and get support around quitting

SCARED

DO NOT WHAT TO EXPECT. AM I GOING TO A B---- WHEN I DON'T HAVE A CIGARETTE. IS MY FAMILY GOING TO PAY FOR THIS FOR AWHILE. I JUST KNOW THIS HAS TO BE DONE.
DARLENE
0 Kudos
17 Replies
bessd
Member

Quitting is scary! But it gets less scary and more easy as time goes on.

Not too long ago someone posted a letter that you're supposed to give it to friends and family to explain how things will go when you quit -- YOU should read it, too. I pasted it below.

And, yes. I was really unpleasant to be around for the first 2 days especially -- most people are. You just have to power through that first week as best as you can. It will get easier and way less scary.




Dear______,
I am about to try and change my life for the better. I am going to quit smoking. I just wanted to write this letter to you so you know what to expect for the next couple of weeks, since the process of withdrawal can be very challenging for me, and for those around me. (Most people do not realize it, but nicotine addiction is literally one of the hardest drugs to kick, even harder than heroin).

Everyone reacts to the withdrawal symptoms differently, but in general, during the first two weeks (Hell Week and Heck Week), don't expect much from me. I will most likely not be my normal self. All of my attention will literally be taken up with fighting the physical and mental urges to smoke. I may cry, I may yell, I may ignore you. Worst of all, I may say very hurtful things to you, but I want you to know that this is the nicotine talking, not my heart. I WILL apologize afterwards, once the poison has left my body and my mind has cleared, but for the moment, please, PLEASE remember that I love you, and let it roll off your back.

You need to know that when a smoker quits, the body and the mind will try almost anything to trick the user into taking another puff. I may rationalize that "now is not a good time". I may question the worth of my existence. I may talk about feeling a sense of emptiness and loss. My body may develop aches and pains. I may not be able to sleep. I may act like the pain I am experiencing is all your fault.

But be aware that I am doing this for ME, not for you. In this one important way, I have to be selfish, so that I cannot give the nicotine a reason to put the blame on anyone else. So you must not feel responsible for my discomfort and depression. Even if you feel you can't stand to see me this way, whatever you do, do NOT tell me it's OK to smoke, just to stop the pain. You have to be strong when I am weak, so do not agree with any "junkie thinking" I may come up with.

Here are 10 things you CAN do to help:

* Be there when I need a hug, but don't be hurt when I push you away.
* If I tell you to leave me alone, give me space, but don't go too far...I need to know you are near no matter what the nicotine says.
* Don't try to argue with me when I start to rationalize...silence is a more powerful message.
* Avoid the topic of cigarettes (because I'm trying to get them off my mind), unless I bring it up first.
* Do the best you can to act as if everything is normal. The more "normal" you act, the faster I will get there.
* Consciously avoid putting me into situations where I will be in the presence of smokers. This may mean avoiding favorite restaurants or bars, or hanging out with certain friends for awhile.
* Consciously avoid letting me get into stressful situations...if something stressful can be put off for a couple of weeks, please try to do so. If not, please try to cushion me.
* Help me avoid "trigger" situations...places or activities where I usually light up. (For example, don't plan long road trips for the next couple of weeks if I usually smoke in the car).
* Just keep telling me it will get better, that the emptiness and pain will fade, that you love me, and that this effort is worth it.
* Tell me I am strong. Tell me you are proud of me. But also, tell me you will be there no matter what I say or do.

I just wanted to prepare you because the first two weeks are usually the worst, but be aware that it doesn't suddenly get better...it will be a gradual process. Also, please be aware that while I am doing this quit for me, you and those around me will benefit as well. I will be free from the shackles of needing to know where the closest cigarette store is. I will be free of the smell and stains. I will be free of an early death. And I will be free to spend more quality time with those I love.

Thank you in advance for being strong enough to love me, and help me through this.

Love, _______
0 Kudos
phoenix2
Member

Gosh - there's nothing wrong with having feelings! Sometimes, you don't discover what kinds of feelings you're pushing away with smoking - until you try to quit. Like Karen said - emotional things WILL come up. Not everyone deals with anger; tho' it's pretty common. Sometimes it's sadness... grief and loss... it just depends.

But they're just feelings. You feel them; acknowledge them... decide if they're because of not feeding the addiction - or something more... and just keep on going, if you can. If you can't - then you need to explore those feelings some more and see how they're connected with smoking - before you try again. Emotional triggers are the hardest ones to identify, simply because smoking - the smokescreen - doesn't let us see them, know them clearly. You have to learn to separate smoking from the emotional triggers, too - even boredom - if you're an "emotional" smoker.

If it's any comfort - I haven't ever had serious physical withdrawal symptoms when quitting. Emotional meltdowns on the other hand - were 24/7. I'm back trying again after 3-4 years of figuring out the emotional stuff and how they connected to smoking. (My emotional "smoking baggage" is probably worse than average folks'... but now, it's not AS relevant as it used to be.) You'll be OK; nothing bad will happen.
0 Kudos
edith2
Member

hahahahahaha! So what's bad about being a bitch?? Sometimes I enjoy my bad moods. Don't set yourself up. Just do the best you can. I took my son camping when I quit. I kept asking him how I was doing because I was afraid of being unbearable too. He told me he was surprised at the fact I wasn't hard to be around. He expected me to be on edge. He said I wasn't. I remember that I had my moments! I guess he didn't see it. Just tell your family you need their support. They'll probably be real glad to help you.
0 Kudos

THANKS TO EVERYONE FOR REPLYING. IT SOUNDS LIKE ALMOST EVERYONE GOES THROUGH THIS WITHDRAWL PRETTY HARD AND ACTUALLY I HAVE HEARD THAT SMOKING IS WORSE THEN HERION. THAT IS PRETTY BAD. THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN.
0 Kudos
polly2
Member

We all understand where you are coming from. Darlene, this is very much a mental addiction, so it pays to change the way you think. Cravings are actually a good thing -- it means that your body is ridding itself of deadly toxins that have been piling up for a long time!! The first day I came here, someone suggested to me that I start thinking, "Smoking is not an option," whenever I was feeling bad or tempted to smoke. That one phrase eliminates all of the other thoughts that the nicodemon would put into your mind to make you want to smoke. It doesn't mean that I don't have cravings, it just means that I will not allow myself to smoke or dwell on it! The more positive that you can be, the easier it is in the long run!! Yes, it is hard, but if you compare the amount of time you put into stopping smoking vs. the amount of time you smoked, it's minimal. We are all here for you to support you!!
0 Kudos
teej
Member

darlene-
hey its 2008 and there are tons of ways to make your quite much less painful- really
I was a 2 pack a day guy for over 20 years. I used the patch and when the cravings were a bit too much for me, a bit of nicotine gum curbed my cravings while i learned to live without smoking and detoxed from the 400+ chemicals that i ingested every 20 minutes for 20 years.

Lots of liquids, fruit juice, and nicotine replacement therapy did the trick for me. Quitting was not as hard as i thought- as I became healthier i started to feel great! You know how wonderful you feel after that smoke? Well guess what? that is how non smokers feel most of the time! Once you realize that it gets easier and easier....
0 Kudos
jennie3
Member

Hi darlene I know where you are coming from it seems like you have already recieved alot of truly awesome advice! thats why I love this site it is filled with folks who really care! I was a raging madwomen and at times I still am! So what they are right we supressed so many feelings with cigs that those thoughts/feelings just gotta come out,try and think positive thoughts and soon you will beand feel positive it is the hardest thing I have ever done for myself and truly the best!
0 Kudos
jennie3
Member

Luv this wish I had it in the begining lol
0 Kudos
jennie3
Member

Luv this wish I had it in the begining lol
0 Kudos