NML / In-Betweener Weekly Check In – 12/27/2017

[Roller831]

Wow.  In a blink of an eye, a week has passed!  I thought with the missed In-betweener check in this past Monday (I'm Sorry!) I thought I would combine this week's check in.  It seems like the NMLers and the In-betweeners are posting on both threads anyway.  The more the merrier!

This will be the first New Year's Eve for us in this group smoke-free and what a great way to start off 2018!!!  We won't have to break that resolution of quitting smoking since we are already there!  Now THAT is certainly something to celebrate!

We have this discussion every Wednesday to offer encouragement and camaraderie to those in NML, basically months 2-3-4 of a quit.  Regardless of how long you’ve been quit, anyone who likes the conversation and wants to offer support is welcome to participate!

We are happy if you just stop by to say hi and let us know you are still with us!  Feel free to offer up ideas on topic question and I will include them in next week’s post!  Stop by daily or as often as you like!  Don’t forget to post to the Daily Pledge! 

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This week’s topic: Goals for the New Year

I am not a believer in resolutions.  In fact, I am so anti-resolution that on Dec. 31 of each year, I list out my accomplishments and back date them   Seriously...if you are one of millions who makes resolutions and ends up breaking them the second week of January or by February then stop making them!  Make goals instead!

What is it about the New Year that everyone is motivated to make massive changes, only to give up come February 1st?

I'm not a fan of New Years Resolutions, but I am a fan of a sound approach to goal setting. 

While most New Years Resolutions never work (97% of the time, they actually don't!) it's not the Resolution that's the problem- it's your approach. That I can promise you.

What are some of your goals in 2018?

ENJOY the journey through NML! 

In No Man’s Land, you’ve come a long way, but still have a long way to go. The routine cravings are gone but the surprise cravings can knock you to your knees. Your family and friends think you should be “over it” while you still feel quite fragile sometimes. Your relationships with smoking friends/family may be feeling strained. Your inner junkie is still around, still whispering to you, and the temptation to give in can be every bit as strong as it was in your first few days.

But here’s the good news. In these same 100 days, for most people, your circulation has improved substantially, walking has become easier, and your overall lung function has increased noticeably. Sinus congestion, fatigue, and shortness of breath have decreased. Your body's overall energy has increased. The roller coaster is smoothing out, and you are feeling calmer and stronger overall. Good things are happening! (Courtesy of @sarahP)

Click here to read Dale’s helpful blog about No Man’s Land:https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex/blog/2011/05/24/no-mans-land-days-30-to130-appr... 

Click here to read what to expect in the first four months: /blogs/jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007-blog/2011/06/26/what-to-expect-in-the-first-four-months 

Checking in here will help you get through NML and on your way to the first year where you can celebrate being in the 6% Club and graduate to eventually become an Elder!

Please let me know if you are interested in posting the NML Weekly Check In.  I am happy to continue it, share it, or pass it to the nEXt EXer in NML who is ready, willing, and able.

[elvan]

Julie,

I am so sorry for what you are facing, I have no good advice other than to stay smoke free and to take care of yourself.  In the end, that is all you CAN do.  If you are that unhappy and you don't feel like things are going to get better...you and only you know the path you should take.  Please know that we are here and are more than willing to listen and offer support in any way that we can.

XOXO,

Ellen

[Showiestodin]

Hello Julie. I'd just like to say from my own experience that the children can sense when relationships are tense. Do what is the healthiest for you, your mental health and physical well being. I know the decision process is very scary. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the changes involved. It is a life altering decision. And it is only yours to make. I wish you clarity for this situation. 

Please don't smoke. Please just think of or do something else to distract you from smoking. You will thank yourself later. Think of it this way as well, you will derive much satisfaction out of remaining quit. Just take it one breath at the time when needed. But I implore you to stay on track with your quit.

 Staying quit will benefit you now and continue to benefit you physically, mentally and financially. If you do decide to part with your husband that money will be a help to you rather than the alternative, it being taken from you over smoking. 

I promise that quitting smoking is the best decision you, all of us, can ever make. I couldn't believe I would ever stop thinking of smoking. But I did. I have severe mental illness. I never thought I could be strong enough. I found out it was not strength that I needed. I needed time in my quit, education about my quit and support for me to make it through my quit. One day, one minute at a time. The hope and prayers to stay quit just till this urge passes. That was my method to quitting. I used distraction methods. I used deep breathing, meditation breathing skills to help me, as to not fly into a panic attack, because of another mental illness that I am successfully managing. 

Believe the elders. Hang onto what they say about how they quit. They are completely wonderful, so nurturing for you in your quit. Just hang in there, one step at the time.

Have a happy and safe New Years, to all.

Sincerely,

Cathy

119 DOF

[Gma_Bernie]

Julie, don't do it!!  Even if you leave him you don't want your new life dragged down with that old demon you worked so hard to defeat. You know it won't make your life better. Start equating freedom from him with freedom from cigs. Instead of I want a cig, think I want air.

[minihorses]

Hi Cathy.  I have decided to stay and we're in kind of limbo land.  I know some of it was due to my stopping smoking.  I was married to it more than him.  It was ALWAYS there when I needed it and ALWAYS understood my position, my pain, my happiness and sadness. IT was what I needed to divorce but IT wasn't causing me any heartache.  IT wasn't causing me any problems, yet.  I transferred some of its' loss to my marriage which I admit is a little 'abnormal' but so am I!  I have two modes it seems, 'ride with the lightning, roll with the thunder' or 'hide from the lightning and crawl to take cover'.  I'm gonna ride for a while.

I wish you were feeling better.  I relate to a lot of what you said about not wanting to get up, lack of energy, chronic pain, all the things you want to accomplish like sorting paperwork, getting organized. I've had the stomach problems since most of mine was removed and live on anti-nausea medications some days.  I was grossly underweight myself. I have spent 3 1/2 years sitting on my arse for the most part since I blew out my left knee which has caused me to gain too much weight so now I must go on a diet of all things.  Never a happy middle ground it seems.  Raising two teenagers can be tough at any age let alone when you're supposed to be enjoying the 'retirement' years although I don't think anyone can actually retire anymore. Living costs too much.  I honestly hope they are boys because girls are way too much of a pain in the rear in their teenage years. I know, I was one!  I'm expected to pull my weight but my sons (18 and 25) have had to do much of it since my knee surgery and since I quit smoking.  It makes you feel even worse that you just physically can't and they don't understand why.  One of my sons even said that it seems like I don't do anything anymore but sit around the house.  He's right but I can only deal with one thing at a time and stopping smoking and working on recovery must be first.  Maybe you could explain that to your family?  You must come first so that you CAN take care of them and your other responsibilities. It takes time and a whole lot of patience on everyone's part to get through this. Let them know how hard you are working, even though it doesn't seem like it, to get clean from the drug called nicotine.  Explain that it is almost as bad as coming off heroin.  Tell them that with their help and love things will begin to get better, it just takes time.  I'm praying for you and your family!!

Julie   69 DOF

[Gma_Bernie]

Hi Julie, this is Bernie. You must have been looking at the wrong name

period or responding to the wrong person, no you were responding to what I

said.

Thanks for writing me back. Sometimes I feel so alone. I have managed to

stay off cigarettes for about 35 days now. I stopped counting the days. I'm

just going to count months from now on. The day-to-day drama of the first

few weeks is over but now I just am dealing with sudden attacks of memories

of how good a cigarette would taste right now. But I watched a YouTube

video and which the tedx presenter said to substitute a word for cigarette

when you talk to yourself in your mind. Like I want air instead of I want a

cigarette. And because my body is so sick I really do want air.

I didn't quit because I didn't like smoking anymore. I quit because my

body made me. And I was too embarrassed to be so sick all the time in front

of my family and have them say are you still smoking?

After 48 years of smoking I don't expect to feel better right away. it's

just that I seem to be getting slammed with all kinds of other old age

problems. I am going to be 64 in February.

Thank you so much for reaching out to me. I hope we can continue to talk

and that I have more to do and talk about then just complaining. I am

working on a knitting project haha I haven't done any knitting for months

but this baby blanket is 3/4 done and I really want to finish it but I just

can't seem to concentrate long enough to pick it up. Maybe I will work on

that as a goal. In between putting out fires here of course. And scheduling

and showing up for doctor appointments. There's no end...

Take care of yourself and I'm glad you seem a little more settled about

your decision. Best not to make rash decisions when you're quitting. Wait

until you have stabilized and feel more confident that it will not cause

you to go back on one of the most important decisions of your life.

Thanks again.

Bernie

[Showiestodin]

Hey NML'ers, Happy Holidays. I make goals as well. I quit resolutions years ago when I realized that I didn't keep them for very long. So I found goals to be more permanent. My goals, last years is the same as this years:

Drink more water

Better sleep habits

Better control of portion size meals

Become active again, slow,steady walking only

Positive attitude

Stay happy, a lot more often

Be consistent

Be patient 

Happy goal setting everyone.

Sincerely 

Cathy

119 DOF 

[Roller831]

I've missed you, Showiestodin‌ Cathy and I am super happy to see you posting!  Love those goals!  Mine are similar, but I've learned through the years to make small goals and bigger goals and make sure I can define them with measurement (I am an accountant).  I cannot believe you are at 4 months already!  That is absolutely fantastic!

[Showiestodin]

It is nice to be around. I do love all of you. I miss posting/talking to all of you. It helps me, to give back. To let others know yes you can quit and stick with it. It is your own conscience decision to just not take a puff. Sometimes it is easy. Mostly it is tough to see that you can keep your quit. But just hold onto and believe, yes I can! 

I got off track, yes I am happy in general. I am proud of the fact that I know now I can quit. I know I can trust myself again. I love me, for quitting smoking. It is the greatest accomplishment I have ever achieved. I feel so awesome that I was able to have a great Christmas around good neighbors, friends and most important, my family. I wish the same for everyone to celebrate the New Year safe and full of good fun. Protect your quit at all cost. 

roller831‌, It makes me feel great to know I was missed. I thank you for thinking of me. I missed you too. Especially your NML blog. You are truly talented. I am in awe of all of the support you give, your such a guiding light for others. Be blessed.

[elvan]

It is SO GOOD to hear from you, Cathy!  Seriously, I missed you.  

Ellen

[Showiestodin]

I think of all of you to often to mention. I'll be getting on with new short term and long term goals to tackle within this new year. Be blessed my friend.