So....here I am. Today marks fifty days nicotine free. Wow.
You won't see many blogs from me because I'm not a writer but I thought I would use this platform for two reasons today. It's a long one so you'll probably be happy that I'm not a regular contributor:)
The first reason is to thank the community, the Elders, those who share their experiences, the admins...just everyone whose words have helped me and those who keep this site running. Become an Ex has been such a blessing to me. I often see "take what works and leave the rest." Well, I must say that at this point in my quit, I've taken almost everything! For those who are just coming to this site...every tool you need is right here. You just have reach out and take it.
My second reason for blogging today is for the Newbies and those who have relapsed and are making their comeback. "This ain't my first time at the rodeo." I joined this site 9 years ago and had a 6 month quit. I threw it away because my best friends were separating....how crazy is that? Granted they are like a sister and brother to me but I was not in that marriage. They both came to me with their problems and tears and drama and I CHOSE to throw 6 months away because of the demise of SOMEONE ELSE'S marriage. It took me 9 years to quit again. NINE FREAKING YEARS. They both moved on and the husband remarried (and is divorced again). The wife has created numerous successful businesses and is living her ridiculously best life. But I WAS STILL SMOKING. The lesson...picking up that first cigarette didn't help me, help them. It only hurt me for another NINE YEARS.
I tell you all this because if you're doing your reading, you've seen numerous times, that smoking won't change any circumstance you're facing. Life is tough. So why make it tougher by hurting yourself? Here's a glance at what I've faced in my first 50 days of this quit:
1. I quit smoking while I was visiting my parents over the holidays. I love my mom but she is my biggest trigger. No one can push my buttons like she can. Always has, always will. I know she's not changing...no reason to smoke.
2. Two deaths in my family. One so sudden and shocking, I still tear up at least once a day. Neither is coming back...no reason to smoke.
3. My daughter's father decided he wasn't going to pay child support for 6 months. That was a 1K monthly deficit. My child still had needs (and wants) and I have to maintain our home. So I made some sacrifices and handled my business like a mother is supposed to. No reason to smoke...the cigarettes would've eaten into my budget.
4. I gained 10 pounds and I wanted to lose 25 by my birthday in April. I allowed myself to eat crap for the first 2 weeks of my quit so I wouldn't feel that I'd been deprived of everything I loved at once. No reason to smoke. I returned to my healthy eating because I have a goal I want to meet. BUT THEN, my sciatic nerve decided to give me trouble and I couldn't work out for several days. No reason to smoke. I ate carefully until I could get back to the gym.
5. Some changes have take place in the leadership at my job. A Sr. Director who was instrumental in bringing me on board 5 years ago and someone I consider a friend was pushed out this week. He'd been there for over 35 years and they treated him like garbage. I don't know what's going to come down the road. It's scary. I need this job or do I? Is this a sign to start putting more energy into a side business that I've been approaching as if it were a hobby? Do I look for another company? Will I be able to maintain the lifestyle my daughter and I enjoy if I make changes? So many questions....but still NO REASON to smoke.
Problems are going to come. When they do, take a moment and breathe. Think of solutions that don't involve smoking instead of thinking of excuses to smoke. Everyone on this site has some form of struggle at some point. Not one of us is immune. Shoot, I'm only 50 days in this quit and like you, I'm taking it one day at a time. Sometimes, a minute at a time. But I want this to be my forever quit more than anything and I refuse to let any situation take it away from me.
Don't be surprised when things don't go your way. Be prepared and if you fall...dust yourself and get back on the horse so that you will celebrate your 50 Days of Freedom and beyond. I pray that this will be helpful to someone.
Be well,
Sandi
