I have been struggling with this for years. YEARS!
Quit and started again, quit and started again. Today was my quit date, and even though I planned it for awhile, I couldn't go to sleep last night until nearly three ohclock aye em.
I woke up, had a cup of coffee -- smoked my last two cigarettes on the porch (I quit smoking in my house months ago) and forgave myself for not doing exactly as I planned -- I HAD planned on just getting up and putting on the patch -- I put my outdoor ashtray in the garage and took a deep breath, put on my patch and got started with my day.
I journal.
And in my journal I wrote, "I think it's about redefining yourself."
Who are you without the cigarette?
People identify me with smoking. I was always the one slamming a rock star energy drink and rushing outside to smoke. I was the one who always got everything done faster than everyone else and could meet a dead line head on. I was the event organizer, etc. Grace under pressure.
I thought it was because I smoked.
Who are you without that cigarette? Redefine yourself.
Better. Stronger. Faster. Healthier in MIND and Body.
I was sick of the duality of my existence.
YOU CAN DO THIS. I know you can, because I can. WE can do this. Friend me, and we'll yak. We can get through this. Begin journaling all your fear. Talk to it. Know it. Identify it. I like what Frances said, "Make a decision to be smoke free just for Today, and then you respect yourself enough to honor that choice."
I put away my cigarettes. Later today, I'm going to go for a walk and bury the rest of them somewhere and just "give it back."
Find a higher power and ask for help. I didn't follow through with my original plan, but I'm following through NOW. Keep moving forward.
