Today I am grateful for honesty. Honesty is a much lauded but hardly practiced thing. You don't often hear, "Does this dress look good on me?" "No, it makes you look like a birthday cake." Because we are always trying to 'protect' people that we love. But in the end honesty really is the best policy and it leads to a much more fulfilling life and a greater solidarity within. I've been practicing pure honesty for over a year now and I find situations that used to make me cringe that require honesty when you'd rather lie are a lot easier than they used to be. It has really taught me the value of integrity and the people in my life have come to value it as well. I've lived my whole life being a people pleaser and I have nothing to show for it. I never felt like I had any connection with any of my friends... well, DUH! No wonder, I haven't been real with them so they connect with this facsimile of me rather than really getting to know me. No wonder I was lonely. lol. It's a process. When you start being honest, you begin to discover just how dishonest you have been even to yourself. As your awareness grows so does your capacity for honesty.
I have less friends now but I have better relationships. Integrity and self confidence have taken the place of self-esteem. And really, self-esteem is a flawed concept that makes honesty a taboo thing. Everyone can't be a winner. Some people come in last and others always stay in the middle. Why is something that is? SO detrimental to our sense of self worth? Makes no sense if you stop and think about it. I like being average. I don't need to be spectacular to have worth. Just by existing I matter.
And so do you.
Today I looked out the window and the sun was setting and lighting the trees and the sky in such a magical way. I was filled with the joy of living and grateful for the ability to see such beauty at all. What a gift to have lived in this window of time, with the people here as my companions. There will never be another time like this one. No one will ever know really what it was like living in these troubled times. The poignancy and sweetness of the beautiful moments that happened amidst the turbulence. What a gift we have to live at all. Though life can be filled with sorrow and pain and trouble may abound, even these things can not take away this gift. I have lived the majority of my life in a bad place and I can say without hesitation that this gift of life is greater than all of it.
Today I am gratful for the Internet Cafe in our tiny town of Calais! My internet provider shut off my internet due to an error on their end(I have the statement you bastards! :P). But hey, I am not stuck at home sick, it is summer and beautiful out and I am loving life. Who needs the internet(I miss you Facebook).
Whenever you are feeling dispondant or bored or down just think back on a time when you were in a worse situation. Not having internet sure beats when I was homeless, cold, wet and starving. It's all about perspective.
Today I am grateful for so much. It is sometimes so hard to pick from the mass of things I am grateful for. Often I am grateful for the same things day after day. But today I am grateful for love. I didn't get very much of it in my life. I can count on one hand the people who have loved me. Three of those people are in my life still and they are very much a large part of the reason I turned out okay even though I had a tough life. I am aware of how close to the brink I was. How little separates me from those that didn't manage to hang in there. A little love goes a long way. So love every second that you can.
Today is my 8 year anniversary with Danielle. We've had our share of ups and downs. We almost gave up a few years ago. But we decided that what we had was worth saving. So we stopped looking at the problems and focused on finding solutions. It took some bravery and a lot of self reflection. We had to face and accept the ugliness that we found inside. Little did we know that realization and acceptance would catapult us into freedom and growth. The results have been mind blowing. We are finally partners that are fit for one another. We are perfect...
Haha just kidding about the last part. We have a LOOOONG way to go but perfection isn't our goal. Pffft... who needs is? We have found success, the kind that brings fufillment and a fullness of joy. So on that note I want to wish you all prosperity of the spirit and success on your journey. For those who have already found it, THANK you for being our guiding lights and guardian angles through this peculiar process. ❤️
Today I am grateful Autumn! I love the Fall, with it's gloomy days, crisp nights, crunchy leaves, naked trees. Pumpkin spice everything. Autumn is truly the introverts season and I plan to spend mine in true introvert style. Blanket, book, hot beverage, window. 🙂
