Today I am grateful for life. It's such an amazing thing to wake up every morning(at the crack of noon in my case) and open my eyes, take that first smoke free breath in and feel the new day. There was such a long time that I had lost my sense of wonder. Everything was old and I knew just how each day would go. I had shut out any opportunity for surprise and I was waiting to die. The gratitude experiment changed everything for me. It allowed me to appreciate the newness of each experience and in less time than I could have expected my sense of wonder and my lost joy returned. This showed me once and for all that real measureable change comes from within and is completely attainable. All of you here are no stranger to change, just look at what you have done and how far you have come. We each have something to give and we do it in our own way. This little group means so much to me. The EX-community means so much to me. I wanted to give back to it in a real and tangible way and I thank you for giving me the chance.
Today I am grateful for this site. To say that this site and the people that make it up are wonderful is an understatement. Though faces change and people come and go this site is for some, their first taste of unconditional support. When we come here, we not only learn how to quit smoking, we learn that change is possible where we at one point thought it wasn't. This site and it's community represent freedom to change. For many of us this is only the beginning of the journey and for once, no matter what age, we are empowered to look upon that journey and the transition without apprehension. Because when we leave here(some of us never leave at all and others find ourselves back here for the community) we leave equipped and ready. And when we fall, we are welcomed back without judgement or hesitation. In here, there is only one enemy, one thing to defeat. There is no competition with anyone but ourselves and every day is another victory. We start each day in the habit of victory. We start each day as winners and it feels great!
Today, I am grateful for Perseverance. Every day isn't sunshine, rainbows and fluffly little dragonbunnies for me. I go through some pertty terrible crap on a consistant basis. It is the nature of my disabilities. But Perseverance gets me through. It is what got me through my quit when I was in the midst of withdrawal and what kept me from going back when things got stressful. Things will always get stressful. No matter how I streamline my life to avoid stress and to not create it, I live in a world with other people I didn't pick to be with in a system I did not create. Stress is a given. How we deal with stress is up to us. Me, I choose to let it wash through me and be done, much as Muad'dib does in his litany against fear.
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
Only I will remain. Because I persevered. You will too. In the end it is just you, perseverance is simply the mode by which you transport yourself.
I'm so giddy right now I could puke. On the 16th will be the 4th year anniversary of my quit. I didn't even realize how close it was earlier today when I was thinking about how quitting seemed like such a weird thing to me in the beginning. It was hard to see it as a reality and now 4 years later it's weird to think I was ever a smoker even though it was for over half my life.
So it's pretty obvious what I am grateful for tonight but I am going to save actually sayin it for tomorrow. This is something I can be grateful for every day. Every time I take a breath.
So tonight I will just say that I am grateful for my freedom.
Today on the anniversary of my quit, I am grateful for 4 years. Four years ago at midnight as the clock turned from the 15th to the 16th day of June I turned over a new leaf. I cold-turkied my quit and I never looked back. I am so grateful for this site and it's community for which a large part of my gratitude flows directly and continiuously. Thank you Ex community and friends old and new. I might have done this without all the love and support but I am glad I didn't have to.
Today I experienced a deeper level of gratitude than I am used to. I haven't slept well for a while now, I have certain complications in my life that keep me awake. So as usual my mood started to plummet like it always does when I don't get enough sleep. But life goes on and I had things to do so I was out and about doing what I had to and all of these negative thoughts were swirling around in my head, really bumming me out. Then, the breeze kicked up and washed over me and it felt so good. Soothing and refreshing at the same time. I instinctively(at this point) dwelt on that moment of gratitude and started tuning into all that I am truly grateful for and it was about 15 minutes later that I realized my mood had perked up and those negative swirlies were all gone. It was exactly what I needed and it turned my whole day around even when I have a lot working against me. But truly, I have more working for me and for that I am grateful.
Today I am grateful for new beginnings. As I grow older I am learning to cling to less and live in the moment. It is a completely natural and constant renewing process that we tend to resist. For some of us defining who we were and are, is a major focal point but one that can lead to stagnation and loss of zeal for life. I find that in letting go of the definitions that I worked so hard to create about myself I begin to live again. I can stop struggling to fit a definition and just live in the moment, free. Every day, every moment I can be anything I want. All we have is this moment.
So be.
