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The process of recovery

Dr_Hays
Mayo Clinic
5 4 121

One thing we know about stopping tobacco use is that it is a process, not an event.  For most people, stopping doesn’t happen overnight. It is more like embarking on a journey full of uncertainties, of undetermined length, fraught with challenges – and wrong turns are not uncommon. While the intention is to do everything possible to avoid smoking after your quit date, sometimes slips happen.

Sometimes when people slip, that slip creates feelings of guilt, shame, and blame. If you believe that the slip was caused by a personal weakness or character flaw, these feelings can be even stronger and can cause a reduced ability to resist the next cigarette.

Rather than reacting to a slip by feeling like you have failed, it is helpful to remind yourself of the following:

Do your best to avoid having the first one

That said, it isn’t “all or nothing,” especially at the beginning. Lapses are a common experience in the recovery process, and can be important learning experiences in steps toward a tobacco free life.

Remember to use your strengths. If you have a good sense of humor, remember to laugh. If you like to be organized and structured, keep track of how many cigarettes you haven’t smoked or how much money you’ve saved. If you make friends easily, reach out to others who are trying to quit.  Each day take a moment to appreciate the benefits you are accruing from not smoking. 

And use your resources, including the very supportive community on www.becomeanex.org!

4 Comments
patsymae
Member

You go Jim!

Louis1988
Member

This is the first time I've read anything from y0ou, Dr. Hays and I must say this information is quite inlightening for me.  I set my quit date for 10-29-16, then 4 1/2 days later, I slipped up and I really felt so defeated.  So I wrote a blog confessing what I'd done.  And so many wonderful folks onhere have come to my rescue, in a way, and they've been SO SUPPORTIVE!!!!!  And one even sent me the link to this blog of yours and I'm so grateful to them for doing that for me.  I will definitely be reading more of your work and not be so hard on myself.  To be honest, I still feel very badly that I slipped, so I know I've got to work super hard on that.  Thank you for these truths in your blog here.

Take care!!!

sallyann6
Member

I appreciate your wisdom and you sharing it, I am expiring those very feeling right now. Ashamed that I still haven't quit, upset that I haven't found an aid to help. Feeling weak and outa control. I have decided to stop feeeling bad and do something about it. I will stop smoking tomorrow.

Giulia
Member

In my opinion - sometimes wallowing in a personal failure can become an excuse in itself for not picking one's self back up and just getting on with it.  One might call that "loser" mentality.  Personally I've never found guilt to be of much use and isn't very productive.  Although it CAN spur one on to more noble achievements, sometimes - usually it's self-defeating.  To my mind, the best way to overcome/assuage guilt is to take corrective action for the thing that made you feel guilty.  If you've made a mistake, admit it, say you're sorry, move on and don't do it again.  If you blew your quit, then the way to relieve the guilt is to go back and master it.  I don't call smoking a cigarette after I've set my quit date a slip.  I call it a failure.  I failed at my immediate goal of quitting the day I said I would.   But that doesn't mean I can't pick myself up and succeed the next day.  For some of us we need to hear the word "slip" in our minds - I guess to not feel bad about ourselves?  For others we call it a "failure," but it doesn't impact our self worth nor mean anything other than the goal is still out there for us to achieve with more needed vigor.  Great scientists failed time and time again, but they persevered until they got their desired result.  Perseverance pays off!

About the Author
An expert in tobacco use and dependence, Dr. Hays has authored and co-authored over 70 peer-reviewed scholarly articles and book chapters on various aspects tobacco dependence and its treatment. Since joining the Nicotine Dependence Center in 1992, he and its staff have treated more than 50,000 patients for tobacco dependence.