I always feel a little twinge of sadness when I think about how that must feel when looking at such a big behavior change like quitting smoking. For, from the very idea or awareness of a need for a certain change to the actual process itself, change really is a collective effort.
For example, the idea for making such a health behavior change as quitting tobacco could come from an article about the harmful effects of smoking, or your partner complaining about the smell of cigarettes. It may come from your primary provider cautioning you about how your smoking may be contributing to your vascular issues, or it could be that you are becoming concerned about how you will be able to continue to afford buying cigarettes.
In all these examples, the reasons for even considering quitting originate, in part, from an outside force.
Consider that, as children, we rely on others to assist us/teach us/protect us in many ways. However, as we become adults, we seem to get the idea that we are “on our own” in many ways and need to rely totally on our own devices when embarking on a new path or trying for a new goal. It is here that things can sometimes go awry.
When you think about it, even as we enter our adult lives, we are continually learning from and drawing upon others for their knowledge and expertise – in the classroom, going away to college, beginning a new job, or becoming a parent for the first time.
Quitting tobacco is a learning process as well. And how do we learn best? Consider what we have done in the past…observing others, listening to others, reaching out to others.
So, why would people say that they need to do it on their own? This may stem from feelings of guilt or embarrassment about using tobacco; or they may feel that they do not want to burden others with “their” issues. Or they feel that a parent or grandparent was able to just quit tobacco on their own, and so why not me?
Keep in mind that what is supportive behavior is different for everyone. Some people want to talk regularly about how they are doing; while others tend to keep their thoughts to themselves more, and just want to know that you are there. It is important to have a conversation with those close to you about what is, and is not, supportive for you.
Thoughts you may want to include in that conversation are:
- Understand that this is an addiction, as well as a huge lifestyle change. Irritability, restlessness, difficulty concentrating, etc., are common withdrawal symptoms when embarking on this process. Patience on the part of the support person is crucial.
- Consider how you could mark milestones of your quitting tobacco journey. Celebrate various quitting “anniversaries” when you have been quit for 2 weeks, 4 weeks, etc. A small celebration such as going out for dinner, taking in a movie, or just quality time together at home, are ways to recognize these accomplishments.
- Spend time together when you are having a difficult day. Plan a walk around the block, a bike ride, or a trip to the local ice cream shop to provide support on those challenging days.
Have you utilized the support of others in your efforts to quit tobacco? If so, in what ways has this been most helpful to you?
