Description
My husband Bill died of throat cancer Halloween 2014. The day before his death he said he would not buy cigarettes for either of us. I have felt some guilt smoking after his death.
I have discovered I am powerless over people, places and things considering my nicotine addiction.
My life is unmanageable. I am powerless over my nicotine addiction. I cannot control my own nicotine addiction. My nicotine addiction has cost me significant losses which are financial losses to my already reduced income; relational losses from the death of my spouse to nicotine addiction; emotional losses from depression, anxiety, and panic attacks when I withdraw from nicotine; physical losses from high blood pressure, sleeplessness and chronic headaches when I put nicotine in my body; spiritual losses from constantly pondering is the life of a smoker in true appreciation of my body, mind, and soul; and circumstantial losses like living in a sea of ash and smoke on my clothes, in my truck and in my home.
I acknowledge that I, by my individual human effort alone, am powerless over my dependence on nicotine. As a consequence of this addiction to nicotine, my life has become painful and unmanageable.
I can't remove my fears of being smoke free through my own human endeavors. I surrender and let go of that fear of living life without smoking cigarettes.
If I ever let go of my nictione addiction---my need to make the world rotate around me---something catastrophic will happen. People will not like me if I don't make them like me. I must manipulate others into liking me or they will reject me.
Fear of rejection and abandonment is at the base of my nicotine addiction.
My humanness, fallibility, and vulnerabilty, which I worked so hard to cover up, are attractive to other people.
Brief Description
When I try to make the world rotate around me, things get bad. When I begin to surrender and let go---not try to be the director of the universe---things start going a little bit better.
Website
God reveals to me just enough that I can deal with it at this point in time. He gives me just what I can handle.
Location
tye, tx
Interests
No interests in profile.
Skills
No skills in profile.
