so mad at myself :(

[lee-lee2]

i am so upset at myself. another terrible holiday with my family..one of my sisters threw me out for telling my brother i was upset with her becasue i asked to take a plate home for a friend who is sick with cancer and cannot leave home due to pain. she interpreted my upset as "talking shit" and threw me out, along with my kids and fiance.  i was crying,hurt and pissed!! I screamed, "somebody give me a cigarette, i dont give a hell about my damn health!!!" and smoked 5-6 puffs before reeling with disgust at myself and the nasitness of it..and threw it away.  I am SO ASHAMED and mad at myself!!! Because I have been here before!! And it led me back to smoking full time.  That is the very last thing i want..i enjoy being a non smoker.and will be blogging daily and reading and staying close because i dodnt want this to become habit. As a matter of fat i never want it to happen again!!! i understand n.o.pe. becausew it has happened to me time and time agin. you all will be seeiing aloyt of me around, because i am not letting this garbage ruin-or run my life!! I am so upset..i want to keep my quit. oct 5th, till today. 😞

[lois13]

sorry to here that you smoked, but you can get back on the wagon, you can do this.

[smurfet]

Lee Lee its ok. you threw it away!!! ganted you smoked but you learned that it didnt help and its not what you want and you can move on from this and be stronger!!!!!!! No one is judging here, we have all been there one time or another! Just start over and keep pressing on. Read all you can on quitting and learn from the mistake and go on!!! Being hard on yourself wont help! Im proud you didnt go buy a pack and started back frull time!!!

Dont you just love the feaking holidays!!!!!! Im so glad all our families are doing their own thing this year! Thats something to be thankful for huh? LOL

Come on smile, we are here for you and your going to get threw this!!!!!

[lee-lee2]

thanks ladies! u made me feel alot better. i should of stayed closer to the site..i havent been on in a few weeks and i got too comfortable..live and learn...christmas coming, and i know with families (at least mine) comes stress-so i will have my arsenal full!!

[Brenda_M]

Start over...you can do this!

[joy36]

You have got to stop thinking smoking will help anything. That's what I felt like, It made me calm and feel better, but, it's all a lie !!!  You already know that right? So, Don't let anybody have the power to make you lose YOUR quit !!  It's your's, keep it safe. You can do it !!! We all have had bad time's and the thought of a smoke sounded good, but, we remember that it will not change anything, but, your quit ! DO NOT LET ANYBODY TAKE THAT FROM YOU !!!!!!      HUG'S

[Jordan-11-1-12]

I'm so sorry that you had such a bad day, and even more sorry that you smoked. Don't give up, lee lee, you can do this. You can start over with all of the knowledge and a experience and make this your forever quit! Learn from what happened, but don't dwell and just make yourself feel worse and worse. And remember, like joy said, its you r quit, do not let anybody take that from you!!!!

We're all here for you. {{hugs}}

[luvztheway]

Ditto Jordan.  No need to beat yourself up.  We've all been there....some of us more than others (ME!!! Pretty sure this is my 5th attempt).  The best advice I have is keep your current line of thinking.  Don't take another puff and know who's in control...YOU.  

I'm just finishing the end of my 8th day (again) and I'm more determined with the help of this site.  No matter what's happened (and my first weeks' been tough - feel free to read my blog to catch up) when I get on this site and read the stories of others success OR struggles, it makes me feel better.  Other's success makes me feel happy for them because I know how hard it is and others struggles make me realize I'm not the only one.  It's therapudic for sure.  

You've got this Leelee, we know you can do it!

Heather

[joyeuxencore]

we keep smoking until we don't....I had a horrible holiday with family being cruel...I didn't smoke and you don't have to either....the hell with them Leelee...this is life or death here and you have your gorgeous baby, life itself and  grandchildren to live for...xo

[Giulia]

You're not alone in the holiday relapse department.  I wish I had an answer for you other than - not one puff ever.  But that actually IS the only answer.  Maybe reading everything in this group will make a difference:  Relapse Traps  Click on Group Discussion in the left hand panel.  

You will only break the relapse cycle if you hear and heed the warning bells.  It's all up to you.  Hold on HARD with everything you've got.  And choose the best part of you.

[jojo_2-24-11]

leelee, You must realize we are addicts to nicotine and although some of us are happy and singing because life is great and sometimes it seems like we have it in the bag, we all have to work the quit. It will get easier when you practice what you have learned. Never get too complacient. This is when we think we can have just one or the stress gets to us or any excuse to smoke. IT JUST ISN'T WORTH IT! I'm glad you are here and stay here as long as you wish. 24/7 if that's what it takes.