so disturbed I can't even think up a catchy blog title

[SarahP]

A lady I work with had a baby a few months ago. She used to be one of my smoking partners here at the office. The day she found out she was pregnant, she quit cold turkey. Today, I overheard her tell someone she can’t wait until she’s done breast feeding so she can start smoking again.

I actually teared up a little. To hear someone who has gone 10 months without smoking say something like that? She had good motivation to quit and she did, but she never really learned anything, and has spent the last 10 months romancing it and eagerly awaiting the day she can be reunited with her “friend.”

I’m sure that first one she smokes will taste terrible, will make her gag and cough. And I’m sure she’ll power through and take another puff, saying she just has to get used to it again.

It breaks my heart. 

[schneidl]

I am going to be honest here. I did that. I quit the day I found out I was pregnant. Didn't smoke for about 2 years and then went back. OH, and wait there is more... I quit the day I found out I was pregnant with my son. Didn't smoke for 2 years and then went back.

I can't explain it. There is no good reason for it. I could hit myself.

This time for me is different. I quit for me. I didn't feel like it was a sacrifice I have to make and when it's time I can go back to it. This time I did it because I wanted a better life for me. I wanted an addiction free lifestyle.

Hopefully, she'll figure out what is important and stop romancing it.

[YoungAtHeart]

I am sorry you have to be a bystander to this train wreck ----- but I'm afraid there is not much you can do.  No, she didn't learn what she needed to when she quit; she did it for her baby, not for hersslf!  

I think I at least would introduce her to this website and the reading materials............and ask her if she really wants to addict herself to them again...........and perhaps remind her that her "friend" is killing her one puff at a time.

Beyond that - she will have to come to the decision on her own.

Nancy

Quit 7/4/12

[SarahP]

I know how it happens, and I know I can't help her. That's why I'm so, so, I don't know what it is right now. Angry. Frustrated. Wishing I could grab her by the shoulders and shake her.  Slap her like Bugs Bunny slaps Daffy Duck, remember that?  whack-whack-whack!

To come so far, then throw it all away, and NOT EVEN KNOW IT. That's the part that blows me away I guess. How many new quitters do we have here right now who would do anything to be 10 months free?

Just had to vent. 

[Patty-cake]

Sarah, try to bring her to this site or at least the Allen Carr book. I feel for you. I watch those I love who feel they can't quit. Knowing your friend is just biding her time until she can go back is troubling. 

[Ex_Nancy]

I would give her the Allen Carr book or quitsmokingonline, all printed out and ask her to make her decision AFTER reading one of them....you can give it a shot. You have nothing to lose.    Or, I would tell her that I want to speak to her for just 5 minutes,tell her that you help people quit smoking in your spare time(she probably doesn't know) and ask her if she might consider reading the book before going back. BOTH of those books start out with JUST enough info to catch the readers attention.

She cares about her baby...what about her baby's future without her?  The truth is, more and more people are getting COPD at a young age these days...maybe you can catch her attention that way?!    (((((SARAH)))))

[joyeuxencore]

Oh Sarah! No wonder you feel frustrated...When youn spend your spare time helping others to beat this addiction and listen to the difficulties and challenges of that every day not to mention the folks we know here who absolutely quit to save their lives of course this kind of blatent disregard for her own life would  affect you...you give a damn...

I print out the Allan Carr book and give it to people like Nancy suggests...I don't have any idea if they read it but it is SOMETHING I can do when compelled...It makes me sad too...xo

[JonesCarpeDiem]

i'd tell her sho ought to start thinking of those kids mother.

[JonesCarpeDiem]

geesh...bring them into the world to let them watch you kill yourself much?

[JonesCarpeDiem]

and so you can teach them your addiction?

[Nyima_1.6.13]

I don't know about giving her books, articles etcetera but I would feel compelled to tell her that you over heard the conversation and just ask her about it. See where the conversation goes? I'm guessing she was saying this to another smoking buddy and she might be missing her old smoking pals? Maybe it's company she misses more than cigarettes? Maybe offer to take a smoke free smoke break with her just to chat! Anyway, a dialogue might give you a means to introduce some educational info or not! You have to read her and respond, pushing won't help her stay quit! Letting her know how happy you are that she has stayed quit this long, etc. might motivate her!

sorry it is having such a profound effect on you 😞

[I_am_free]

You're right to feel the way you do.  She needs a friend, a friend that can convince her the her child would turn away from hugs and kisses that stink like a stale ashtray.  Her child will feel embarrassed amongst its peers if they see the Mom smoking.  Parents won't let their child stay overnight in a smoking home even it is their BFF.  Chances that her child will develop asthma and ear infections is greater.  Even when smoking outside, chemical residue remains on your clothing, hands and face.  She quit for her baby when it is on the inside looking out.  Why can't she still do this for her child when her child is outside looking in?

I've lived that life of being shunned by my own children for my addiction.

[jooch]

Hi All,  great discussion.  I too quit cold turkey when pregnant with three of my kids.  I too romanced when I could start partying and smoking after breastfeeding all three kids.  It's amazing that I did not go in for the long haul.  Twenty plus years ago, they did not have all the info about how evil smoking is as they do now. It amazes me when you watch tv shows and movies from that period how smoking was glamorous.

I would approach your friend from work carefully tho, remember she's pregnant and ready to pop.  Her emotions will be on high alert.  But the Alan Carr book just may do the trick.

Wishing you much luck with the communications in this relationship.

Hugs

[dmickow]

Me! Me! Me!!!!!  I would love to be 10 months smoke-free!!!!  And, I will be!!!  I hope she listens to you Sarah...I hope she reads the materials you offer her.  What's sad is, it's not only hurting her if she goes back to smoking...it's hurting her baby too!!  Even if she quits breastfeeding...the baby still gets the second-hand smoke off her clothing, her hair, her skin....Oh!  I hope and pray that she reconsiders...

Debbie

Quit 4/4/2013

[dmickow]

Another thing too like Dale said...she's teaching her children her nasty addiction and, that's so sad.  I quit too when I was pregnant with my daughter back in 1976.  I stayed quit for 17 1/2 years!!!!!

So, my kids didn't see me smoke ever!!!!

But, then....in late 1993, around Sept. or Oct...my husband of 21 years and I started having marital problems.  Serious ones!!  Still no excuse I KNOW!!!!  But, after ALL that time...I started up.

And, it's taken me all this time to quit again!!!!  I've tried a million times..and, I've even gotten some time under my belt but....not able to stay QUIT!!!

I WILL THIS TIME!!!!!!!

Thank you for your AWESOME Posts!!!