Description
As a single mom/law student, I've had nothing but excuses for pushing back my quit date, over and over and over again, these last couple of years. I knew if I didn't just bite the bullet this summer and figure out how to tackle stressful assignments for work without rewarding myself with smoke breaks, I'd continue making excuses from the day classes resume until I take the bar exam next year. I was pretty darn gung ho the first day or two after I quit, but I'll be honest--this is tough! I've never realized just how much I leaned on this horrible habit to get me through each day and practically any event or emotion I experienced. I'm not just relearning habits, I'm essentially having to learn how to deal with basic emotions and stressors; in these last two weeks, I've gone from laid back to unable to feel balanced when the most minor things irritate or stress me out.
I vascillate between pouting inwardly about how life without cigarettes sucks, and being so grateful for the changes I'm already seeing--such as being able to push myself harder in workouts, or not having to sneak away from or cut short social gatherings so I can go get my fix. Thanks to the nicotine patch, I've already adjusted to not smoking at work or in the car. Sunday night, I tackled a major project for work without my usual "reward;" rather than smoking during my breaks, I made myself a ginormous fruit salad and watched part of a tv show. I'm pretty amazed. I knew I was fed up enough that I might be able to do it this time, but given that I've smoked now for about thirteen years (except during my pregancy and post-partum period), and have never been able to "just smoke a few," I can't believe I'm finally doing it! I can do this. I just have to put the work in. And if I can do it, anyone can!
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yoga, literature, anything outdoors
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