tired of being clean. It's no fun. Bored out of my mind. I didn't know how to live life on life's terms when I was drinking and smoking and since I've quit both at the same time, I'm really screwed. I can't do one habit without the other.I'm trying to live life one day at a time. I'm disabled and I liked being buzzed all day from drinking even though my liver is shot. I love the idea of being clean and sober but the reality of living it out on a daily basis is somewhat trying if not right out overwhelming. I find myself trying to decide between living like this or dying a horrible death. I really don't want to blog because I'm afraid of discouraging someone but everytime that I get painfully honest and do blog, the comments seem to help me steady my course. I have alot of pride and opening up in my blogs is humiliating but I get desperate and it's the sometimes only way to steady my course. Getting honest strips away my urge to relapse. I hate being vunerable but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get me to the next sane moment so excuse my dust as I grow.
