All my life I have struggled with addiction. Addiction to cutting, sex addiction, drug addiction. I'm happy to say I have beaten all of those, but I can't seem to knock the damn cigarettes!!! I tried quitting before I was pregnant with my son Cloud. The winter before, I got a nasty smokers cough that was really embarrasing and painful, but I still couldn't quit. In April I found out I was pregnant, but still couldn't quit. The whole 9 months I dealt with paranoia that my son would have health problems, guilt from my conscience and from my boyfriend and family members, and on top of all that, horrible morning sickness that was made worse by the cigarettes. But I still couldn't quit!
Thank God, I gave birth to a healthy 7 1/2 pound baby boy, he is 4 weeks old now. I didn't smoke for the first 4 days I had him so he was breastfeeding just fine. When I started smoking cigarettes again, my milk never came in fully, and now I have to feed him formula because what i'm making isn't enough to fill him. I gave up breastfeeding about a week ago, I feel ashamed and miserable for sacrificing the joy of nursing my son for cigarettes. I also feel terrible leaving him with my mother or sister everytime I have to step out for a cigarette, and coming back in smelling like cigarettes. I feel like a bad mom.
I really hope this program works, although I'm doubtful because this seems to be a really stubborn addiction. If any moms read this and have some helpful advice, or just words of encouragement, I'd really appreciate it!!
