I honestly thought at this point I would still be struggling more than I am. The truth is, it's the strangest things that make me want to smoke. I walk by a coffee shop where a man sits at an outside table, his pack of American Spirits placed in front of him, an accessory that says,"I'm just hanging out at a coffee shop relaxing and perhaps reading the latest book that got all those good reviews, you know, the one you say you don't have time to read. Well, I have plenty of time to kill here at this coffee shop." Well, maybe the cigarettes don't say all of that, but I imagine they do. For a moment I consider stopping and asking him if he would mind terribly if I had one. The thought of imposing on this man and interupting his tranquility with my pathetic begging quickly rushes the temptation down the conveyer belt of my brain. In one jolting movement, that takes no more than about 1/8 second it has gone from plausible and completely reasonable from impossibly humiliating and ridiculous. I leave the man unmolested and duck into the shop, planting myself in the corner where there is an outlet withing easy reach.
When temptations like this one linger which they are more likely to do if I am out somewhere with a smoker friend, I find it helpful to remind myself that you never have just one. I once was told a handy phrase that I haven't since forgotten: "You don't want just one cigarette, you want a lifetime of cigarettes." When put that way, it really forces you to see giving in for what it is, continuing the addiction. It's not a case of indulging once in awhile. A person could say,"I have been exercising faithfully for the past (insert length of time) I deserve a piece of chocolate." The same principle doesn't work with cigarettes. There is nothing redeeming about cigarettes, no benefit whatsoever.
I am on day 47. There are lots of days that go by where I don't even think about cigarettes and I forget that they ever used to have power over me. Other days, I smell one or see someone lighting up and I make that choice again to walk on by, leaving the smoke behind.
