Well, here I am, 1/2 way through my 25th day as a non smoker. Now, I won't lie, in these 25 days I have slipped a handful of times, but the 5 or 6 cigarettes I gave into is nowhere compared to the 1/2-3/4 of a pack I used to smoke A DAY. So, me being the over-thinker I am, started thinking heavily in depth about this. Most of the people I'm around on a daily basis smoke cigarettes, and I'm fine around them. I watch them smoke and don't react at all. Then, out of nowhere, a craving will strike, I'll fight it off for a little while, but a few times I just gave in and had one. But here comes the strange part...these ones I gave into brought me no satisfaction at all. It tasted gross, made me cough, and most of those 5 or 6 slips I got about 3 hauls in before handing it off. It confuses me how I crave them sometimes so bad, even when they obviously now disgust me. And honestly, I believe its because I was never addicted. Thats right, cigarettes were not my vice, they were my companion. Let's face it, the drive to work in the morning and a deep conversation with a friend are always better with a cigarette between your fingers. And that, my friends, is my problem. I don't miss smoking. I don't miss struggling for breath after one flight of stairs, I don't miss hacking my lungs up every morning, and I don't miss not being able to smell or taste properly. I miss the distraction. Cigarettes I now realize were more of a crutch than an actual addiction. And, whether I like it or not, this kind of feels like a mild break-up. I think back now, and at least 6 cigarettes a day were smoked because, well, thats just when I smoked (in the car, break times at work, after eating, ect). The others were just when I was with friends or what not. Now, I must make myself clear...I don't miss smoking at all. I can breathe again, and I feel healthier than I have for the first time in years. But the question remains...why do I feel like I lost a friend rather than dropped a horrible habit? I guess only more time will tell. 25 days, and many many more to go..
