Woke up from a weird dream so I thought I do a little journaling here.
What I remember most was referring to myself as Hugh. I did a web search for "I am Hugh" and came across a youtube video from a Star Trek episode. Watched it and did some reflecting. Was once a former Trekkie years ago before I started smoking at age 27. Funny what is left in your sunconscience. What the mind is trying to tell you when everything lines up just right. I received a positive message from my dream.
I am just thankful I am sleeping at night. It would be nice to be back on a normal sleep schedule. I just hadn't realized that my chain smoking was affecting my sleep patterns. I was thinking I had side effects from the grief process. I am learning more about my grief and how I have been mourning. So many ways to mourn. Everyone is somewhat different.
I am glad I came across this site. I have learned that writing my feelings down has been a great help in quieting mind about the stress I have felt towards quitting. I dont't feel so negative about giving cigarettes up knowing that I will have a substitute for them. Funny how I have been my own stumbling block. There is so many attachments I have to my smoking. Looking forward to peel off the layers slowly and get down to causes and conditions of my addiction to them.
I printed a self empowerment pledge poster I found from one of the groups focusing on pledging to quit one day at a time. I taped it to my wall in my bedroom where I do most of my smoking so I can read the daily promise before I light up. I am starting to be more active in other rooms in the trailer, especially the kitchen. I prepared meals there the last two days instead of running out and buying fast food since I live alone. If this keeps up, I will be saving money in so many ways. Looking forward to changing some habits in my lifestyle.
