Why Am I So Bad At This? (Please Help)

[DimArtist]

I keep relapsing every three days. Even when I have very frustrating headaches that make me puke and promising "never again" my mind is stuck. It tells me to go buy a pack because I am bored or anxious or anything. I am so mad at myself that I can not stop smoking. Forever quit. I can't. I am awful at this. I really need some help. I really need some tips. And basically a will to quit. I keep doing the same stupid things over and over again. Buying a pack, being mad for that decision, smoking, not liking it, headaches, puke, promising never again and start over. Have you anyone experienced something like that? If yes, please help me because I am losing my mind with myself.

[Roller831]

So here's the thing.....and you may not like what I am about to say....and that's ok.  I get it.  You will not quit because you don't have "a will to quit".  You need to accept that this is an addiction.  Before you do that, you won't quit.  Did you read Alan Carr?  If not...read it.  Then read it again.  Then read it again.  If reading isn't your thing, you can order the book on CD from Amazon.  I did that and listened to it everyday over and over again for the first two weeks.

Read read read.  Do the steps to PREPARE yourself to quit.  Do the steps so you are PREPARED on quit day and for the days AFTER quit day.  Keep this site close and keep posting and asking for help.  You will get it.  You will get things you like and things you don't like, but don't give up!!!

/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instead-of-smoke 

/blogs/jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007-blog/2011/06/26/what-to-expect-in-the-first-four-months 

Start first, by educating yourself about nicotine addiction.  

Education is the key to a successful quit.

Read: Freedom from Nicotine My Journey Home and Nicotine Addiction 101         

Here are the links: http://whyquit.com/whyquit/LinksAAddiction.html   and http://whyquit.com/ffn/

I also encourage you to read. Allen Carr’s book, “Easy Easier Way to Quit Smoking”.       

The link is here:  http://media.wix.com/ugd/74fa87_2010cc5496521431188f905b7234a829.pdf

 Go to http://www.becomeanex.org/how-to-quit-smoking.php#thl and get started. 

We will support you. You are on your journey to freedom.

[Roller831]

I have one more thing....you say you are losing your mind and doing the same thing over and over again...ponder this for a minute...The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.  I am not saying you are insane....surely you are not.  What you are doing may be insane.....try something different   What you are doing certainly isn't working.

[Jennifer-Quit]

It really is all about making up your mind to do it - and stick with it no matter what.  It sounds like you are making it even more difficult on yourself by starting over time and time again.  Do some reading on whyquit.com - lots of very sad stories there about young lives lost too soon due to smoking.  Early in my quit when I thought that I was about to give in, I would read there and count my blessing that it was not me.

[TW517]

In my 40+ years of smoking, I had 6 "serious" attempts at quitting.  I define serious by lasting more than week or two.  I couldn't possibly count the number of times I quit for 1-3 days, but many times stretched out over the 40 some years.  I'm not sure why, but I had a series of back-to-back short quits like you beginning last March.  Then one day, May 15, I just decided that this was the last time.  I can't explain where that came from either.  Fed up with previous failures? Health worries?  Tired of disappointing my family?  I just don't know why or how, but somehow my mindset changed from "trying to quit" to "deciding to quit", and I knew this was it.  And even though this quit has been the most difficult to deal with in terms of triggers, stress, craves... I know I can't pick up a cigarette to deal with those things.  

So, the short answer is, change your attitude.  Now if I could only explain how to do that, I'd be rich.

I'm really glad that you are still here and haven't completely quit on your quit.  Lots of us have gone thru this.  You can do this to.

[DimArtist]

Thank you very much! I am gonna print the pdf to educate myself. I needed this.

[DimArtist]

I am sorry but you know like every smoker I am thinking that these things will not happen to me. That these people were just unlucky. I am sorry telling you this but I myself share this arrogant opinion for myself.

[Mortalzeus]

I don't believe you are bad at this, you are just unprepared! But you keep coming back! That means something  

Do the research and the work to put together a working "Tool Box" that will get you started and through some of the early rough spots. This is truly hard work and for me it will be a life long journey.  Follow the guidance of those who have gone before you and don't try to "Blaze your Own Trail"  There are some truly wonderful people here, so have faith in their direction and have faith in yourself.  Time for you to "Take Ownership of Your Quit" (thanks Brianairb2!).   

Darren

[bonniebee]

You are putting yourself through the hardest days of withdrawal over and over again Get over the hump !!!! You can do it ! 

Make a commitment come here everyday and blog  at least through Hell week and Heck week use your tools find more tools if necessary ! Are you using the patch ? Consider it if you are not ,you may (like many of us here ) need some extra help to quit ! 

[Mandolinrain]

I could nt agree more with everyone’s comments and especially roller831. You have to have the will to make it work. Anything worth having, in my opinion, is worth the time , the effort to do whatever you have to do obtain. Quitting smoking was something I desired so much I was willing to go through whatever I had to to obtain my freedom. 

I also relasped many times. It was not until I dug in my heels and said enough was enough...this I was weary of going around the same ole mountain. If you keep doing what your always doing...you can expect to get the same results...

Therefore I decided to put passion into my quit. I got passionate about obtaining this freedom everyone had that I wanted so bad. I could see they had worked hard to get it and they kept telling me to READ READ READ, so READ I did. There were no excuses left.  I read and re read blogs as far back on this site as I could go. I read and reread Carrs book and highlighted the day lights out of it. I kept it close at all times. 

You will, like all of us, have to go through to get the breakthrough. No way around it my friend. But the more tools you use and the more reading you do..

the more more it will STICK in your memory and come afloat when those rough days come. On that third day that you say you give up.....you now know it’s about that time....so prepare for it. What will you do instead of smoke?  

Start a journal...I did this also. Write everything. What helps you what does not, what angers you. Everything counts.....but until YOU decide this is for real and you want it so very bad and are willing to put into action everything we tell you, alas....I think you will continue on a Groundhog Day type quit.

Best to you and If you have faith in a higher power ( Mine is Jesus ) I recommend you also take some time in that area as well. My higher power is always taking new clients, if your ever in need. You just have to ask.

[Daniela2016]

I might be a little hard on you here, but for as many times as I have seen you starting over, I just can't believe you have not read Allan Carr's book! 

We all have our own time when we are "ready".  But anything you can do to get yourself to that point of being ready, including read everything you can, please do it. 

We can't change your mindset, you are the only one who can, but the more effort you put in getting ready for the forever quit, the more chances you have to make it successful. 

And I might sound arrogant to you, but if I knew before I stopped smoking it would be this easy, I would have done it years, and years ago. 

I know you do have something not helping you, and that is being surrounded by smokers.  I am from Romania, and many people still smoke, many of them still in my family.  And I went to visit when I was barely about 3 months into my quit.  But my mind was set: I was able to spend time with smokers for 2-3h inside, and did not want one. 

It is because I knew and lived by "I don't do that anymore" and "NOPE".  Please believe me these things sounded a little ridiculous to me at the beginning, but they are tools to train your mind to stop asking for nicotine.

Please go and read everything recommended to you; quitting is not magic, it is all in your own power, and as we all did it, you can too.  But you need to believe you need to work on your mind before you can start saying NOPE...I would say, go read the book, go to whyquit.com, read the blogs here, and even if you are a strong man, you are still, like we all are, nicotine addicted. 

And you might think "these things" won't happen to you, the changes Nicotine creates in our bodies are so insidious, so hidden, and all of a sudden, or slowly they start showing up in all forms and shapes: your breathing, your arteries, your esophagus, your liver, diabetes, auto-immune diseases, cardiac troubles. 

How do I know that?  We are all here, there is an example of each amongst us, here at EX.  We are living proof of what smoking did to us.  It is because we are loving our human peers we are here to share with you and help you get away from the poison as soon as you can.

Please do what Ex members are telling you to do, they are here to help, no other hidden agenda here

[Brianairb2]

You have all the advice that you need above, but I will add that you will need to make your quit the absolute purpose of your life, because it is your very life at stake.  Come here every day, read, learn from others' experience, encourage others.  Helping others enables you to be that much more self-supportive.  Read the links here about addiction, understand that it's a chemical reaction that you have allowed to occur.  Your addiction is not you.  The more you work at understanding and accepting it, the easier it will be for you to gain leverage.  Finally, what really helped me was a comment made early on by one of the elders...who pointed out that I was recognizing the pattern of failure.  Those words brought a lot of clarity:  pattern of failure.  I know that if I have one...it will definitely lead me right back to the same pattern of addictive behavior.  Maybe not in one day, maybe not two, but all the other failures happened the same way:  one on one day...maybe a couple more several days later....right back to the same bitter purgatory.  It sounds like you're there my friend, and the only way out is for you to acknowledge the pattern of failure.  There's another truer path out of this dark space.

[maryfreecig]

No, I have not experienced what you are describing. Fighting oneself all the time about quitting has got to be tiring. I either smoked or quit. I did have a 9 hour quit once and was shocked at how fast I caved. So I went back to smoking and thought little of that disaster. Now I'm smober nearly four years and I intend to stay smober for the rest of my life, but only one day at a time. 

This is an addiction. But only you can give it permission to keep going. The pain of leaving nicotine behind does not last forever. 

Your quit is waiting for you, you just have not seen it yet. Keep looking. 

[elvan]

I am seriously so sorry to see you faltering again.  I was a serial quitter but I did not have the support or the education that you have available to you here.  I cannot imagine putting myself through those first days over and over again.  This is NOT a fight it is a journey, one day at a time or one MINUTE at a time.  You figure out what you are going to do instead of smoking and then you commit to it, you commit to your quit...like you are getting married.  You take care of that quit like your life depends upon it because there may very well come a day when it does.  Read Allen Carr, read everything you can find on addiction and treat this as an addiction because that is what it is.  Just because you are not laying on a street corner with a needle sticking out of your arm does not make you any less of a junkie than the guy who is.  This can be done, every single one of us has been where you are, some of us more than once but with this site, with education, and commitment, I am absolutely convinced that ANYONE can do this.

I'd like to say welcome back but I am not sure you ARE back.

Ellen

[Thomas3.20.2010]

"I keep relapsing every three days.  My mind is stuck.  I can not stop smoking. Forever quit. I can't. I am awful at this." 

These self messages are what are standing in your way! Acknowledging that you are an addict will give you the Freedom to let go of these self concepts. 

Smoking Cessation is about letting go of trying to control your mind. What you control are your actions - despite what your mind is telling you! 

Executive control ( decision-making) happens in a different part of your brain than thought generation. 
Make the decision a thousand times a day that no matter what you think or feel you will not smoke and control your actions! Don't beg, borrow steal or buy Sickerettes - period! Keep them away from your face and your brain will adjust given time!

[KMC56]

l

Take the time to really educate and prepare yourself with all that has been recommended to you on this site...

ONE DAY AT A TIME...you can do this...

[Sandy-9-17-17]

Well that is what I always thought too, it can't happen to me.  I am one of the lucky ones.....

Well now I'm saying I am one of the unlucky ones who has been scared by a 9.8 mm size spot

on one of my lungs.  I am praying everyday until my next CT scan that it will  not be diagnosed as anything

more than just the Ground Glass Nodule they are calling it at this point! 

Now how lucky do I think I am?  Not very.  I smoked for 43 years and on Saturday the 16th of September

I smoked my last one.....and immediately when I extinguished it, the pangs of withdrawal started right

up, and I started becoming withdrawn immediately, because I knew I wasn't going to go buy another

pack, I knew I wasn't going to chew nicotine gum, and I turned off my vapor device permanently.

Because keeping nicotine running through my veins would only improve my chances of failing.  I will not

fail at this attempt. 

You need to set up a plan for when you quit, follow the steps that you will find in this site.  You can

do it.  Anyone can!  Just stick to the plan! 

We are all pulling for you!  Stay close to the site here, and don't think ever, that it can't happen to you!

[Daniela2016]

Sandy-9-17-17‌ keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, please keep us updated about the nodule whenever time will come for the CT scan.

[Sandy-9-17-17]

Thank you, prayers can never hurt!  I have to wait for that CT Scan though, for 6 to 12 months. 

They won't really do anything unless it were over 10mm.  Not sure why!

More concerned about my upcoming surgery on my knee, and have my ACL replaced.  Will be

down for a week, but at least I will be able to heal faster not smoking anymore!  Not worrying about

getting up to go outside for that nasty habit will be a good feeling.

 

[Daniela2016]

So happy you get to enjoy the freedom from smoking while recovering, it will do wonders in the moments cravings will hit; because they will eventually; the memories of smoking are coming back to us when we least expect them, but by they you'll already know how to deal with them.  You actually already know, because you have a very positive attitude about it, and that makes a whole world of difference!  Train your deep breathing, practice NOPE and I don't do that anymore, find something to do with your hands while you will be recovering from the surgery, pick up a new hobby, I started adult coloring books during my quit, and there are many other arts and craft which can help keep the hands occupied!

[elvan]

Sandy-9-17-17‌  Not smoking after the surgery is going to really help with your healing and you won't have to get up and down to smoke...hang in there. You can do this and you are right to take things one day at a time and concentrate on the knee surgery first since it's coming up first.

[Sandy-9-17-17]

I am already planning on crocheting that blanket for my newest grand daughter who is

already over a year old.  I made one for the other 3, this one needs one too. 

I am concentrating on my mindful thinking again, something no matter who you are or

what you do, is very good for the soul.